We have all heard how detrimental
stress is to our physical and mental health. It seems the thing to do is avoid
stress, but that is an impossible task. Well, here is some good news from Dr.
Kelly McGonigal. She says that we can transform stress into something good in
our lives.
As you might expect, this is not
easy. But in her book, The Upside of
Stress, Why Stress is Good for You and
How to Get Good at It, she gives compelling research as well as some simple
tools to understand how stress can be a positive force in our lives.
First of all, she says that finding
value in stressful experiences helps. When we see that our struggles have a
purpose and can make us grow stronger and potentially more resilient, the toxic
effects of stress are transformed into constructive growth.
McGonigal gives us the following
exercise to help us and our children/students turn stress into something
good in our lives:
"Bring to mind a stressful experience from
your past in which you persevered or learned something important. Take a few
moments to think about what that experience taught you about your strengths and
how to cope with stress. Then, set a timer to fifteen minutes and write about
your experience, addressing any or all of the following questions:
- What did you do that helped you get through it? What personal resources did you draw on, and what strengths did you use? Did you seek out information, advice, or any other kind of support?
- What did this experience teach you about how to deal with adversity?
- How did this experience make you stronger?
Now think about a current situation
you are struggling through.
- Which of these strengths and resources can you draw on in this situation?
- Are there any coping skills or strengths you want to develop? If so, how could you begin to do so using this situation as an opportunity to grow?”
After McGonigal gave this intervention to some students, they shared stories of family hardships, academic struggles, strained friendships, and racial discrimination. Even though the individual stories were different, everyone had experienced failure, frustration, and setbacks. Quickly, they found they had all experienced stress. Thus, they could all help each other deal with these challenges in a positive manner. One student said that he found a commonality in all their stories of success, that when they all reached out for help, it enabled them to overcome obstacles and achieve success. This was a breakthrough for many students.
An interesting follow-up is that one
student sent McGonigal a note a few months after this exercise, saying she had
just started college and it was harder than she thought it would be, but she
was persevering because she had learned from McGonigal's exercise that it was alright
to reach out for help.
Here are some truly astonishing
results from McGonigal’s research:
- Stress increases risks of health problems, except when people regularly give back to their community.
- Stress increases the risk of dying, except when people feel a sense of purpose.
- Stress increases the risk of depression, except when people see the benefit in their challenges.
- Stress can be paralyzing, except when people perceive themselves as capable.
McGonigal finally states, “For every
harmful outcome you can think of, there’s an exception that erases the expected
association between stress and something bad - and often replaces it with an
unexpected benefit.”
