Are You a Giver or a Taker?

My wonderful sister Nancy, who has been the inspiration of much of my gratitude, sent a powerful fax to me from ExecTech, a management company she works with. The fax was about determining if we are givers or takers. It really got me thinking.

Below is the fax from ExecTech. Interestingly, I usually think of myself as a “Giver”, but in the questionnaire below, I found myself surprisingly on the “Taker” list more than I would have imagined. It brought some awareness to some of my behavior, so I will try to bring the light of awareness into my life and actions by being less selfish and more giving, letting go of my expectations. I will take the challenge below.

NOTE: This fax was geared to doctors, so I did change the lists to make them more general. For example, I put “people” in the place of “patients.”

“Danny Tomas was a successful comedian, actor and producer for five decades. He starred in many shows including "Make Room for Daddy" which ran for 13 years. Actress Marlo Tomas is his daughter. 

When he was broke and struggling, he vowed that if his show-business career took off, he would help those in need. So at the peak of his success, he decided to build a hospital that would treat children with life-threatening diseases, while finding new cures. He believed that "no child should die in the dawn of life." 

Danny and his friends built St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis Tennessee. It is the nation's second largest health-care charity and is supported by over one million volunteers nationwide. Discoveries at St. Jude have changed how doctors treat children with cancer and other catastrophic illnesses.  

Danny Tomas said, "There are two types of people in this world: givers and takers. Takers always eat better, but givers always sleep better." 

10 Signs You Are a Taker 

1.      You focus on getting money more than anything else. 

2.       You use unfair pressure to get what you want. 

3.       As long as someone adds to your bottom line, you support them. If they do not, you ignore           them. 

4.       You search for ways to cheat the IRS and insurance companies with exaggerations and                “gaming the system.” 

5.       If you hurt someone while taking what you want, you have no regrets. 

6.       You truly believe everyone else in this world is just after money, and you hope they will fail. 

7.       You are secretly delighted when others believe your lies and give you what you want. 

8.       You treat everyone as pieces in your game, never teammates. 

9.       You can only give or accept help if it increases your bottom line. 

10.   You eat really well, but you may not sleep well and have health problems. 

10 Signs You Are a Giver 

1.      You measure your success based on many things, not just material success. 

2.       You help others when you can regardless of your bottom line.

3.       As you move up the wealth ladder, you give help to those in need, whenever you can. 

4.       If someone cheats or hurts you, you get even by succeeding more than ever before. 

5.       You celebrate the success of others. 

6.       You do what you do because you love it. 

7.       You increase your happiness with intelligence, hard work and passion. 

8.       You give joy to others. You make them happier which then makes you happier. 

9.       You really sleep well. You feel like smiling most of each day. You feel strong! 

10.   You feel sorry for Takers. You know you will live a longer and happier life than they will.” 

Owen’s Challenge: 

Try to find a new way to give our time, talent and treasure to your family, friends, colleagues, strangers and the world. We may not be able to do something as big as what Danny Thomas did, but we can definitely change our worlds by being Givers.

Here are some more thoughts I had on being a Giver or Taker:

Once at a talk, the leader said he doesn't like to "pigeon-hole" people or minimize them by classifying them, but he still divides everyone in the world to two groups. He asked us all if we could guess the two groups. Someone guessed "Winners/Looser", someone else guessed, "Nice/Mean." Neither answer was right, he said he can put everyone in one of two groups, "Givers" and "Takers." He went on to delineate the characteristics of each. 

First of all, givers are happier because they are thinking about others and not so focused on themselves, their  problems or making everything work out exactly as they think they need it to be to achieve happiness. Givers have more energy because they get back more than they give to others. Altruistic giving has been shown to increase positive neurotransmitters in the giver, receiver and anyone observing the act of giving. People who volunteer or care for others consistently are happier and less depressed.

Conversely, takers feel more depressed as they keep score and try to squeeze out an advantage to every deal. Takers waste opportunities to connect with others as they try to get everything they can in every interaction.

In another life, before I became a teacher, I worked in the business world. In one new employee training, they went over the old business plan and the new ideal. In the past, they said businesses went for the kill, trying to get every penny out of the customer in every deal, sometimes without regard for ethics. The new ideal is to create win/win situations, where we give the customer something in exchange for their long-term business. 

At this training, they went on to talk about "emotional" back accounts. This was eye-opening for me, to think that when we deal with people, we need to make deposits into their emotional bank accounts before we can make a withdrawal. For example, if you ask someone for a favor, they are more likely to do it if you have cultivated a relationship and done something for them. Like a bank account, you can't let your account get negative. I agree with that, but would go on to say the most successful people are the ones who realize they have an enough to spread around and make deposits without keeping track. These are  the true givers in life.

Quotes to end blog: 

“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” 

― Mother Teresa

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” 
― Charles Dickens

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” 
― Winston S. Churchill

“You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” 
― Khalil Gibran