Spirituality of Storytelling-Part 5

I am still enjoying writing down the stories that I tell my 4th graders. They get one story every Friday and it is the highlight of the week for many of them. Even the students who do not seem interested at other times are usually riveted when I tell one of my "Mr. Griffith Stories." They will even ask me to retell some of their favorites. Storytelling is spiritual and educational. Here are two more of my favorites:

“Mouse Trap”

On a farm, a farmer and wife lived with a chicken, a pig and a mouse. One day, the mouse overheard the farmer talking to his wife, saying that he decided it was time to get rid of the mouse, so he will get mouse trap.  Alarmed by this, the mouse goes to tell his friend the chicken, asking if the chicken will help him. The chicken is unconcerned and says, “This doesn't concern me, take care of it yourself.”

Disappointed, but still hopeful, the mouse went to see his other friend, the pig, again asking for help. The pig said the same thing to the mouse, that this didn't affect the pig so the mouse should figure it out yourself. Discouraged, the mouse went and hid in his hole.

The next day, the farmer’s wife was awakened with a loud snap as an animal was caught in the mouse trap. All the animals were relieved when they heard that it was a snake that was caught in the trap. But when the farmer’s wife went to get the snake out of the trap, it bit her and she got very ill. To help his wife feel better, the farmer killed the chicken to make soup for his ailing wife. Sadly, the wife got worse and died. So, the farmer killed the pig to feed all the mourners at his wife’s funeral.
So, when a mouse comes asking for help, try to help, it will eventually affect us all.

“The Banquet Hall”

One night, a man had a dream. He was a psychologist and he dreamed of conducting his ultimate research study. In this study, there was a huge banquet hall with a delicious feast for everyone at the table. But, the people at the table had long forks that were attached to their hands, so they could not pick up the food, but were forced to use the utensils. These forks were 48 inches long, so long in fact, that no one was able to get the food to their mouths. Everyone kept trying, but no one could get the food in their own mouths. The people were becoming emaciated, frustrated and depressed.

Just as quickly as this room had appeared, he was transported to another room with the exact same gourmet food and the exact same forks attached to the hands of a new group of people. But, in this banquet hall, all the people were smiling, talking and even laughing. They did not look like they are starving. Then, he noticed the difference, in this room, the people are all feeding each other with the long forks.

Being a scientist, he had to find the difference. So, he asked a man at the table why they were feeding each other? The man said that everyone started to try to feed themselves and failed miserable. Finally, one woman asked the man next to her if she could try to put some food in his mouth with her long fork. It worked. When others saw this, they all started feeding each other and instantly changed the atmosphere of the room from frustration to joy.

I asked the 4^th graders what this story means. One boy said that if someone is willing to help, their example can change the world around them. I like that.

Quotes to end the blog:

“I'm not young enough to know everything.”

- J.M. Barrie






“The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.”

- William James

Spirituality of Storytelling-Part 4

"Do a Good Deed and Don’t Get Caught”

The following is a true story that the students enjoy every year. I had a friend named Elizabeth who was one of the happiest people I knew. Always with a smile on her face, she seemed to weather the storms in life with equanimity and she truly enjoy the simple pleasures. Once, I asked her how she seemed to stay so positive and she told me this story.

When she was a young adult, she was focused on her life and getting what she wanted, yet she found life unsatisfying. She was talking to a mentor in her life and her mentor gave her an assignment. The assignment was to do a good deed and not get found out. She was given specific instructions.

She was told to purchase a dozen roses and go to a nursing home, walk up to the front desk and tell the receptionist to give the dozen roses to someone who never gets any visitors. Then, she had to turn around and leave before the receptionist had a chance to thank her or say anything. Next, the hardest part is not to tell anyone she did it.

So, Elizabeth did it per instruction. She felt so good walking out of the nursing home that she picked up her phone and almost called her best friend to share the wonderful experience. But, she caught herself just in time and hung up. All through the day, she was thinking about what she did and she felt the urge to tell someone and let it out, but she knew she wanted to follow directions and see what happened.

For the next couple days, Elizabeth felt like she was bursting and really wanted to share this with friends and co-workers, but she kept it in. On the third day, as she was driving home, she said she felt a new feeling inside, it was almost like a ray of sunshine in her heart because she had done something good for someone else and didn't need to brag of get recognition as she usually did. Thus, there was something inside her that would grow as she found more ways, both big and small, to help her family, friends, co-workers and even strangers and not get caught.

A month later, when she recounted the story to her mentor, she was told that she could relay the story now to inspire others to do good deeds and not get caught. Oprah Winfrey and others have encouraged “Random Acts of Kindness” which is powerful. Also, the movie “Pay It Forward” dealt with this idea, but I like Elizabeth’s take and I encourage my students to do this and see how it makes them feel, to see if that sunshine gets planted in their hearts and starts to grow as they find the pure joy in helping others for the sake of helping, not getting the kudos for doing it. It may not be surprising that 4th graders seem to find this easier than some adults.
Quote to end story:

“When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.”

- John Lennon

“The Starfish”

A young couple got married and had an ideal cottage on the shore on an isolated beach on the island of Kauai in Hawaii. Deeply in love, they were enjoying every moment together. One morning, the new wife woke up to find her husband was not in bed. She went and checked the kitchen, but he wasn't there either. Looking outside, she saw the sun cresting the mountainside and her husband on the beach, picking up starfish. This was such an odd sight that she ran outside to see what he was doing.

As she approached him, she saw starfish all over the beach, thousands and thousands of starfish everywhere. Her husband looked up and said, “Do you see this, a freak storm last night washed all these starfish on the shore and they will all die if we don’t get them back in the water.” 

She looked at him and said, “There are so many starfish, there is no way we can save them all, why don’t we just accept that they won’t survive and get on with the honeymoon? It won’t make a difference.” He looked at her, picked up a starfish, walked it back into the ocean and said, “It makes a difference to this one.” Looking around, she knew that even if they couldn't help them all, every one they could help would make a difference, so she picked up the closest starfish and smiled as she walked into the water. The long day they helped the starfish ended up being the best day of their honeymoon.

An afterward to this story, I find this story helpful as a teacher, because sometimes it feels like we can’t help all those stranded starfish we encounter in the classroom, but we can enjoy each one we bring back to shore.

Are You a Giver or a Taker?

My wonderful sister Nancy, who has been the inspiration of much of my gratitude, sent a powerful fax to me from ExecTech, a management company she works with. The fax was about determining if we are givers or takers. It really got me thinking.

Below is the fax from ExecTech. Interestingly, I usually think of myself as a “Giver”, but in the questionnaire below, I found myself surprisingly on the “Taker” list more than I would have imagined. It brought some awareness to some of my behavior, so I will try to bring the light of awareness into my life and actions by being less selfish and more giving, letting go of my expectations. I will take the challenge below.

NOTE: This fax was geared to doctors, so I did change the lists to make them more general. For example, I put “people” in the place of “patients.”

“Danny Tomas was a successful comedian, actor and producer for five decades. He starred in many shows including "Make Room for Daddy" which ran for 13 years. Actress Marlo Tomas is his daughter. 

When he was broke and struggling, he vowed that if his show-business career took off, he would help those in need. So at the peak of his success, he decided to build a hospital that would treat children with life-threatening diseases, while finding new cures. He believed that "no child should die in the dawn of life." 

Danny and his friends built St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis Tennessee. It is the nation's second largest health-care charity and is supported by over one million volunteers nationwide. Discoveries at St. Jude have changed how doctors treat children with cancer and other catastrophic illnesses.  

Danny Tomas said, "There are two types of people in this world: givers and takers. Takers always eat better, but givers always sleep better." 

10 Signs You Are a Taker 

1.      You focus on getting money more than anything else. 

2.       You use unfair pressure to get what you want. 

3.       As long as someone adds to your bottom line, you support them. If they do not, you ignore           them. 

4.       You search for ways to cheat the IRS and insurance companies with exaggerations and                “gaming the system.” 

5.       If you hurt someone while taking what you want, you have no regrets. 

6.       You truly believe everyone else in this world is just after money, and you hope they will fail. 

7.       You are secretly delighted when others believe your lies and give you what you want. 

8.       You treat everyone as pieces in your game, never teammates. 

9.       You can only give or accept help if it increases your bottom line. 

10.   You eat really well, but you may not sleep well and have health problems. 

10 Signs You Are a Giver 

1.      You measure your success based on many things, not just material success. 

2.       You help others when you can regardless of your bottom line.

3.       As you move up the wealth ladder, you give help to those in need, whenever you can. 

4.       If someone cheats or hurts you, you get even by succeeding more than ever before. 

5.       You celebrate the success of others. 

6.       You do what you do because you love it. 

7.       You increase your happiness with intelligence, hard work and passion. 

8.       You give joy to others. You make them happier which then makes you happier. 

9.       You really sleep well. You feel like smiling most of each day. You feel strong! 

10.   You feel sorry for Takers. You know you will live a longer and happier life than they will.” 

Owen’s Challenge: 

Try to find a new way to give our time, talent and treasure to your family, friends, colleagues, strangers and the world. We may not be able to do something as big as what Danny Thomas did, but we can definitely change our worlds by being Givers.

Here are some more thoughts I had on being a Giver or Taker:

Once at a talk, the leader said he doesn't like to "pigeon-hole" people or minimize them by classifying them, but he still divides everyone in the world to two groups. He asked us all if we could guess the two groups. Someone guessed "Winners/Looser", someone else guessed, "Nice/Mean." Neither answer was right, he said he can put everyone in one of two groups, "Givers" and "Takers." He went on to delineate the characteristics of each. 

First of all, givers are happier because they are thinking about others and not so focused on themselves, their  problems or making everything work out exactly as they think they need it to be to achieve happiness. Givers have more energy because they get back more than they give to others. Altruistic giving has been shown to increase positive neurotransmitters in the giver, receiver and anyone observing the act of giving. People who volunteer or care for others consistently are happier and less depressed.

Conversely, takers feel more depressed as they keep score and try to squeeze out an advantage to every deal. Takers waste opportunities to connect with others as they try to get everything they can in every interaction.

In another life, before I became a teacher, I worked in the business world. In one new employee training, they went over the old business plan and the new ideal. In the past, they said businesses went for the kill, trying to get every penny out of the customer in every deal, sometimes without regard for ethics. The new ideal is to create win/win situations, where we give the customer something in exchange for their long-term business. 

At this training, they went on to talk about "emotional" back accounts. This was eye-opening for me, to think that when we deal with people, we need to make deposits into their emotional bank accounts before we can make a withdrawal. For example, if you ask someone for a favor, they are more likely to do it if you have cultivated a relationship and done something for them. Like a bank account, you can't let your account get negative. I agree with that, but would go on to say the most successful people are the ones who realize they have an enough to spread around and make deposits without keeping track. These are  the true givers in life.

Quotes to end blog: 

“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” 

― Mother Teresa

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” 
― Charles Dickens

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” 
― Winston S. Churchill

“You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” 
― Khalil Gibran

Happy New Year!

As we approach the New Year, I am taking time to reflect on the past year and look forward to 2015. I know that this time of year, many of us make New Year’s resolutions. This can be a positive exercise to focus on areas of our life we would like to improve and make a new start. Many of us have tried this in the past and have not been successful. It is easy to quickly give up on these resolutions when they don’t come easy and we haven’t made an action plan.

I have made resolutions, sometimes more successfully than others, and I actually do this with my 4^th graders. We have developed an action plan that helps us. First we take time to reflect on 6 areas we may want to change:

1. Spiritual
2. Family
3. Professional (for 4^th graders-Education)
4. Physical and Health
5. Fun
6. Financial (4^th graders set goals in 3 areas for money: 1. To save, 2. To give, 3. To spend)

We choose one or two areas to work on. Then, we write actions to take to make these resolutions come true. Next, we pick a partner, a friend or family member, that we can check in with daily at the beginning and then weekly and monthly to see how we are doing and stay accountable. We put the resolutions as goals on a piece of paper and put it somewhere we see it often, like on our refrigerator, in our lockers or on our desks. Finally, we check in every month to see how we are doing on reaching these goals. Looking long term, we even write a letter to ourselves to be opened at the end of the school year, restating the goals and giving encouragement to keep trying if we haven’t achieved these goals yet.

There are many reasons for giving up on these goals, like we may feel we don’t have the time and energy. But, remember that they can be very small goals, like a spiritual goal could be to do a verbal gratitude list at one red light we stop at each day. If we make a reminder to put in our car, or make someone we drive with our partner in the goal, it makes it easier to do. Some of my students and friends have done this and say that it can really help add something positive to a stressful commute. It is interesting, for 4^th graders, most goals are things like: making new friends, getting better grades, or being kinder to siblings. Those are great goals.

Once, someone asked why we have to make these resolutions formal, why not just try to be more loving or get in better shape physically? I like both ideas. But, I know that for me, that doesn't seem to work as well. It is easy to lose those goals in our busy lives if we don’t write them down, make a simple action plan, or check our progress.

Resolutions do not need to be too big or overwhelming and I would recommend choosing one or two to start with. One year, my goal was to wake up 10 minutes early to spend doing yoga, praying and meditating. This one was easy to keep because I found that it helped me get through the day with a smile. I expanded on that and now wake up 30 minutes early and actually look forward to starting the day that way.

Another year, the goal was even smaller, but just as important. When I got in my car, before I turned the ignition, I would take a few deep breaths and just try to get into the present moment.This really helped, but I kept forgetting to do it in my busy day. So, here I readjusted my action plan and put a reminder in my car on my speedometer. That helped and I enjoyed a new peace interjected into my busy and hectic days.

Sometimes, our goals surpass what we envision. Since I was eighteen years old, I have played guitar. But, I was self-taught and I wanted to learn to play better. So, ten years ago, I made a goal to learn to play guitar better and take formal lessons. My action plan was to visit some local music stores and find a guitar teacher, then spend 30 minutes a day practicing, I did that and now I actually teach guitar and started a after-school music program at my school. Even more astonishing, this past few year, with my dear friend Erik, we performed as a guitar duo twice around Atlanta and had a blast. We have a new gig coming up in February and as we jammed to get ready for it, we both realized how we have grown as musicians and friends, far surpassing my initial goal.

Other times, our goals and resolutions are not met or come more slowly. Here, we should not beat ourselves up, but refocus, adjust the goals and keep trying. If it isn't that important any more, let it go and move on to other things. Celebrate the little victories and look for progress, not perfection. You can do this. Have a fantastic year in 2015!

Spirituality of Storytelling-Part 3

First of all, Happy Holidays to everyone. This time of year can be crazy, but try to enjoy this time of year and find something to be grateful for.

As the end of the year quickly approaches, I have been reflecting on this year and it has been a fantastic year with so much growth. One of the biggest parts of growth this year has been writing this blog. I started in May and I have really enjoyed posting and getting comments. Many conversations have started here that I have learned from and still enjoy immensely. I thought this would be a lot of work, but it has been a pleasure. Thank you for all support and encouragement.

One interesting thing for me was to look at all the things I have posted this year and see how often posts are viewed. The one post that was visited much more than the others was my post on Storytelling is Spiritual #1, where I wrote about my favorite story to tell the students,“The House Builder.” If you haven’t read that, go back and check it out, it is short yet powerful.

As I reflected on that story, I thought about the second favorite story to tell the students, along the same lines of the “The House Builder” called “The Cocoon.” These stories hold special power and I save them for Friday afternoons in our classroom. The students are always riveted. When teaching, I look up and often find about half the class looking at me, but when I tell these stories, every student is looking at me intently. There is power in these stories on so many levels. So, here is the story:

“The Cocoon”

"As a woman was walking down the street, she noticed a little white circular object on the sidewalk. She stopped to inspect it and found it was a cocoon. Holding it gently, she could see the little butterfly vigorously trying to get out. This excited her and she suddenly realized that she could help this butterfly gain its freedom. So, she pulled out some nail clippers she had in her purse. Carefully and meticulous, she made a very precise incision around the outside of the chrysalis. Then, she gently laid it down and stood back, ready to see the butterfly get out of the cocoon and happily fly away. Sure enough, the next time the butterfly moved its wings, the cocoon opened and the woman saw a spectacular yellow tiger swallowtail butterfly. She couldn’t help but smile as she gazed at this creature she had just helped gain its freedom.

However, when it tried to fly away, it couldn’t get off the ground. A couple times, it flipped on its back and the woman tried to flip it back over, hoping it would get air born soon. But, after about 10 minutes, it stopped moving and died. The woman was crushed. She had been trying to help, but now felt she had somehow killed the butterfly. Picking up the creature, she went home quickly and called her friend who was a biologist. Relating the story, she asked, “Did I kill it?” He replied that yes, she had killed it inadvertently by letting it out of its cocoon too soon. He went on to say that butterflies need to strengthen their wings fully in the effort to break out of the cocoon. Also, in the process of working their way out of the cocoon, they are getting the needed blood supply to their wings to enable them to fly and survive. This made her feel a little better as she understood her part in the process."

I ask the students what this story means. One student said that it means you should not mess with nature or try to speed up the natural flow of life. I like that. Others say that we grow strong from the struggles in life. I like that even more. I go on to tell the students that as a teacher, I am not helping them by letting them out of their cocoons too soon. For example, if they are struggling with a new concept in math and ask for an answer to a problem, it would be easy for me to give it to them. Instead, I need to let them struggle and help their wings get stronger. In our classroom, we even use those words, “I can’t do that because that would be like letting you out of your cocoon too early.”

Personally, I know sometimes I still want someone to come let me out of my cocoon when I am fighting to break free of some problem in life. But, I know that many times my “wings” need to get stronger. When I reflect on the struggle, I often ask, "'What should I be learning here?" Maybe the lesson is to be more patient or persistent. Sometimes, I need to remember that life doesn't always have to get easier. Often, I just need to keep growing stronger. If I focus on the lesson I am learning in life, I don’t need to have someone come and set me free, I am already free.

Humorous Christmas Quote:

“There are four ages of man:

(1) When you believe in Santa Claus.

(2) When you don't believe in Santa Claus.

(3) When you are Santa Claus.

(4) When you look like Santa Claus.”

- Unknown

Two Inspirational Poems

Here are two inspirational poems that have helped me tremendously. They encapsulate many of the spiritual tools that enable us to solve our problems.

The Good Things

    If you spend your time thinking about all the things that are wrong
with your life, you'll likely create even more of them. Why would you
want to do that?

   Instead, keep more of your thoughts focused on all the things that
are right with your life. Your attention to those good things in life
will make them stronger and more plentiful.

   What do you enjoy most about the person you are? What gives you a
true and abiding sense of satisfaction? What things do you do that cause
you to know you've made a positive difference in the world? Sincerely
answer these questions, and you cannot help but focus on what is right
with your life.

  Define yourself not by what's wrong, but by what's going right for
you.  Count your many blessings, and you'll be blessed with many more.

  Begin each day reminding yourself of all the things that are right
with your life. And at the end of the day, you'll find even more.

-- Ralph Marston

Do not let your life slip through your fingers
By living in the past nor for the future.

By living your life one day at a time,
You live all the days of your life.

Do not give up
When you still have something to give.

Nothing is really over
Until the moment you stop trying. 

It is a fragile thread
That binds us to each other

Do not be afraid to be willing to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances
That we learn to be grow spiritually.

Do not shut love out of your life
By saying it is impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly. 

The best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Do not dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope,
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life
So fast that you forget
Not only where you have been
But also where you are going. 

Life is not a race but a journey, a spiritual journey,
To be savored each step of the way.
-Anonymous

Turning Thanksgiving into ThanksLiving

Tomorrow is my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. For me, it is not about eating a lot of turkey or watching football, although those are both fun. Thanksgiving is about being with family and being Thankful, being profoundly grateful for all we have and all we are. If we embrace gratitude and make it part of our daily lives, we turn it into ThanksLiving, enjoying it every day of the year.

Here is a fun activity for Thanksgiving a student just gave me. She said her family will celebrate Thanksgiving by writing down a gratitude on a piece of paper. Then, they put them in a jar and mix them up. Finally, each person picks one out and tries to guess who wrote the gratitude.

Another Thanksgiving activity I am going to take part in tomorrow is writing a gratitude letter to someone I never properly thanked and then delivering it. Calling them or mailing the letter works well, if you won’t see them face to face. I have a wonderful sister who consistently writes these kinds of letters and reminds us all how powerful a hand written letter can be.

Read this report from the Harvard Health Publication on the happiness this act will bring for up to month after Thanksgiving:

”Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week's assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month.”

Check out the entire article at:

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2011/November/in-praise-of-gratitude

Last, here are 30 Gratitude Activities from www.gratefulness.org to turn Thanksgiving into ThanksLiving. My son and I just picked out an activity from this list and sent our first Thanksgiving E-card to my wife.

Daily Grateful Living Practice Ideas

Here are 30 Daily Grateful Living Practices for you to try. These practices range from actions that will take you only a moment to those that will take a larger commitment of your time. If there is one practice on this list that you would like to try every day, do so. Or try a new one each day. Or switch it up. What matters is that you do something every day to build the habit of intentionally directing your attention to notice and appreciate the gifts of your life.

---

1. Close your eyes. Take a few, very deep breaths – all the way out and all the way in. Notice how your breathing so often takes care of itself…just breath moving itself through you – keeping you alive – just keeping you alive. Commit to NOT taking this miracle for granted. 
2. Every night before you go to sleep, take an inventory of the things for which for which you are grateful. Let them percolate through your mind and calm your body. Write down at least five things that matter to you.
3. Engage in an act of kindness today. Notice if you are pulled toward kindness for a stranger more than someone close to you, or vice-versa. Either way, offer your kindness with no strings attached and no need for recognition. Truly. Notice the completeness and fullness of letting go of needing something back.
4. Bring to mind someone for whom you are grateful. Savor this image or memory. Try to allow the image to be held by all the cells of your body, not just in your mind. Notice what happens in your emotions and body when you do this.
5. At any point during the day, reflect upon one important thing that you have learned in this day. Write down what you have learned.
6. Send an e-card or card letting someone know that you are thinking of them today. Expect nothing in return. Just share appreciation and acknowledgement.
7. Sit quietly and allow a sense of peace to enter your heart. From this place, light a (virtual) candle or a candle in your space. Create a grateful intention and settle into the peace of residing in gratefulness for a few, precious moments.
8. Start your day with an intention to show up absolutely whole-heartedly to everything you do today. Notice at the end of the day if anything changed because of this intention.
9. Send an e-card or written message of peace and well-wishes to someone.
10. Make the decision to see your most challenging moments today as opportunities. What might be making itself known or available to you in hard times? How can you cultivate even small sentiments of gratefulness for the gifts that come from struggle? Reflect on this at the beginning and the end of the day. 
11. Turn all of the “waiting” moments of the day into moments of heightened awareness. Try to be fully present in these moments to what might be blessings in disguise. Notice that time “between” things is a huge gift. Enjoy the gift.
12. If you share a meal with others today, before or while you eat, ask each person to share something for which they are grateful. If eating alone, bring to mind something for which you are grateful and dedicate your meal to that “great fullness.”
13. Choose a poem that speaks to you and read it a few times in a day. Let it awaken a new experience each time you read it. Notice how no poem is the same poem twice if you read it with true presence. Share the poem with someone.
14. Notice your hands. Think of all they do for you. Can you imagine what it would be like to offer them your true appreciation at a host of moments each day? Notice how much they help to facilitate what you love in life. Take care of them.
15. Reach out to someone you know is going through a difficult time. You do not have to have the right things to say, just connect in a meaningful way. 
16. Send an e-card thanking someone for simply being in your life.
17. Watch Br. David’s video “A Good Day.” Share it with a friend.
18. Enter the meditative space of a labyrinth, or walk a short path meditatively somewhere near you. If you move as a mindfulness practice, you can go back and forth on the same path and it will always generate new horizons. Notice how amazing it is to move – no matter how you do that.
19. Before you eat, take a moment to feel grateful to all those who contributed to creating your meal. The farmer who grew the vegetables, the hens that laid the eggs, the workers who harvested the wheat and stocked the food, etc. 
20. While racing somewhere, take 30 seconds to stop, take a breath, and look at the sky, or at the environment around you. What was begging for your attention?
21. Do something truly generous for someone else today. Expand into your most full-blown expression of generosity. Give as if your life depended on it, and then try giving a little more. Stretch into your capacity. Seek nothing in return.
22. Each time you turn on the tap, pause to feel grateful that you have access to running water, unlike so many in the world today. 
23. Tell someone whom you love that you love them – and offer that comment a larger context by spelling out some of the reasons why you are grateful for them.
24. Ask someone a sincere question. There is hardly a more precious gift than true inquiry and deep listening. Where is gratefulness in this?
25. Make a financial contribution to a non-profit organization doing work that you value. Accompany that gift with a note of appreciation for how hard people are working to advance missions in which you believe. Feel interconnected. 
26. Ask “What is the opportunity for gratefulness in this moment?” Try this when things are not going as you had planned. 
27. Give someone a grateful hug. Actually give the hug – don’t take a hug. Ask first. 
28. Pick out five things that you do not need anymore, and give them away with joy.
29. Put a bag in your pocket, go for a walk, and make a corner of the world more beautiful by picking up the litter along the way. Your appreciation of the earth will be contagious to others. 
30. 775 million people in the world are illiterate. Feel your good fortune as you read this sentence, and as you read anything today.

Seven Tips for Staying Out of Survival Mode

How do people get in survival mode? Well, life is demanding. With all the responsibilities and demands on our time and energy, it is easy to feel like you do not have any energy left for anyone including yourself.

People in survival mode are just barely getting by day-to-day. We do the minimum because we do not feel like they have the energy to do more. There seems to be no joy and not much gratitude, light or laughter in our lives. As a teacher, when I am in survival mode, not only do I affect myself but my 28 students. 

We all get run down and slip into survival mode sometimes. If you are going through a major change, like having a baby, or if you are sick or have a major family crisis, you may enter survival mode. That is OK. But, it is not OK to stay there. The next question is, “How do you we get out of survival mode?” 

When we are in survival mode, we may look at our life and try to make new priorities, taking care of ourselves in new ways. Here are some tips to change:

1.  Try New Experiences/ Welcome Mistakes as Learning Experiences

Don’t let yourself get caught in a rut. Survival mode is one of the worst ruts of all. The only difference between a rut and a grave is how deep it is. Make opportunities to be spontaneous, adventurous and playful every day. My 6 year old and my 4^th grade students give me lessons in this daily. Get out of your comfort zone. Remember that the worst that can happen is that you will make a new mistake instead of repeating the same one that didn't work for you in the past.
Don’t listen to the lie that you don’t have enough time or energy. New experiences create energy and allow us more time for everything. I know myself how can be paralyzing and I fight it daily. I keep in mind what a wise boss told me, “I know you are not trying new things because you aren't making mistakes.” Fearlessly try new things and learn from those mistakes as you grow out of survival mode.

2.  Be Aware of Your Internal Dialogue

Listen to what you are saying to yourself.  Some of that internal dialogue may be keeping you stuck. You may have a tape recording going on in your head you are not even aware of, like “You will never find someone to love you” or “You are not good looking enough” or “You can’t make anything work in your life.” Maybe you have even convinced yourselves that you need to stay in survival mode for some reason. First, be aware of these negative messages, and then start to say the opposite to yourself, like “I am a beautiful child of God” or “I will keep working on myself and love will become abundant in my life,” or “I will make a difference in someone else’s life today and improve myself.” Start writing your own script for your future.

3.  Practice Gratitude 

Survival mode blocks us from seeing all the positive things in our lives. Cultivate an awareness the many gifts in your life. If you are reading this, you are fortunate to have a computer, a connection to the internet and the ability to read.  Realize that a vast majority of the population of the planet would change places with you in an instant. 

Start a gratitude list to increase your awareness of the things in your life that are going right. Let yourself be surprised by the good things that were there but just out of view. What we focus on in life contributes to how we feel about ourselves and life. Thus, focus on all that you have and watch it all grow. Take more action; write a gratitude letter to someone who has helped you. Deliver it in person and let that person know how much they mean to you and feel yourself growing out of survival mode.

4.  Exercise/Get into Nature/Try Yoga

Exercise helps generate positive neurotransmitters that can help catapult you out of survival mode. Recent studies have shown that when someone is in nature, positive neurotransmitters are released in the brain. Interestingly, in a prison in Oregon, they painted a realistic mural of a forest on the exercise yard wall and noticed that the violence among prisoners went down dramatically. Get into nature, try yoga or find something that you enjoy and find someone to do it with for support. Survival mode is a form of a prison, so bring some real nature or exercise into your life and feel the positive effects. I love to ride my mountain bike and find it always get me out of whatever rut I may have fallen into.

5.  Help Others/Give of Yourself

When you help others in big and small ways, you are helping yourself get out of survival mode. You can feel the profound joy of giving freely with no expectations. It all comes back to you in countless ways. Altruistic giving has been shown to increase positive neurotransmitters in the giver, receiver and anyone observing the act of giving. People who volunteer or care for others consistently are happier and less depressed. So, give to someone close to you and also practice those random acts of kindness. A simple suggestion is to tell someone you love how much you love them and why you treasure them in your life. Do someone a good turn today and don’t get found out. 

6.  Be in the Moment/Embrace Silence

All we have is this moment, but much of the time we waste it by ruminating over the past or stressing over the future. This keeps us in survival mode. We can cultivate mindfulness by giving attention to whatever we are doing. When you feel your mind wandering, take a deep breath and gently bring it back to the moment. If you are washing the dishes, be present washing the dishes and enjoy the warm water and the slick feel of soap. More importantly, be present to those around you by really listening. To get a better perspective on life, take time to sit quietly every day without electronic distractions. Even just a few moments of pure silence can refresh a stressed soul

7.  Forgive/ Let Go of the Past/ Be Responsible for Yourself

Harboring resentment only hurts you and keeps you stuck in survival mode. I like the saying that resentments are like stray cats: if you don’t feed them, they go away. Don’t let others rent free space in your head. Forgive and let go.  If you let go a little, you get a little relief.  If you let go a lot, you get a lot of relief, and if you let go completely, you are FREE.

Don’t blame others for things lacking in your life. Don’t give them that power. Take responsibility and take action and help yourself get out of survival mode. We are not victims, we are volunteers. I tell my students we control 3 things and they all start with the letter A: attitude, action and awareness. Let go of those things you do not control. Blaming others and harboring self-pity steals your energy and joy. Be the change you want to see in your world. 


Finally, the list may seem daunting but you don’t have to change everything at once. To get started, choose the easiest of these tips for you and see how you can get unstuck from whatever is holding you back in life. Then go to the next step until you feel back in control. One mistake is not a failure but a step to learning. You can do this. 

Spiritual Wisdom from My Students

One of the first “Aha” moments I experienced in the classroom was when I realized that I could learn as much from the students as they could learn from me.  The entire teacher/student paradigm gets flipped as I watch, listen and try to understand my students.  After 10 years of teaching, I still remind myself of this.  This awareness brings a wonder back into my classroom.  As the school year goes on and the “Groundhog Days” happen, where the days can seem the same, this idea keeps me excited about the many gifts my students bring to the classroom every day.

As I reflect on this, I realize that some of the most inspiring and memorable moments are the spiritual lessons I learn from my students.  I will briefly relate two of these stories in this post and more later.  If you have any stories to share, please put them in the comments section or email them to me if you want to share them privately.

1.       Rose was a student who was extremely bright.  When the school year started, every day she would diligently complete her work and come to me and ask for extra math work.  I would give her math drills, word problems and enrichment exercises and she would happily smile. Then, one day I looked at her and said, “Rose, it is so good to see how much you love math.”  She looked surprised and said, “On no, math is my weakest subject.  So this summer, I told myself I would work really hard on math, taking every chance I got, so I could turn it into my best subject.”  She succeeded and it did not take long.  She was soon the best math student I had. 

In life, I find that I shy away from things that I do not think that I am good at.  But Rose demonstrated that by diving in and putting some extra effort into an area where I need to grow, I will succeed.  I still need to remind myself of this when I am confronted, almost daily, with areas in life that I shy away from instead of embracing.  Yesterday, my son said, “Daddy, come draw with me.”  I said, “I am not a good artist, I am more of a musician.”  But, I have said this a thousand times and I caught myself this time.  Instead, I sat down, grabbed a crayon and completed a self-portrait, enjoying every second.

One friend talks about “leaning into the pain.”  This is not a masochistic notion, it simply means realizing that when we do not want to do something and go ahead and do it anyway, we get stronger by working through the pain and taking action.

2.      One day in class, I overheard two students talking and one said, “I only got a 96 on that test, but you got a 100.”  The other student said, “My Dad always says, ‘Compare equals despair.’ So, let’s both be happy we got A’s.”  I loved that and asked the student to share that with the class.  After he shared, another student said, “I get it, if I tell another student what grade I got on a test, either I am going to feel bad or they will.”  I thought about this concept as it applies to our adult lives. 

Here is an example: I can be in a good mood and pull up to a red light and see a new, shiny car next to me.  Sometime I catch myself thinking, “That car looks so good, I wish I had that car.  That person looks so happy in that car.  They have it so much better than me.”  This thinking can snowball and go on and so on until my mood is not so great anymore, unless I aware of it and gently remind myself that “Compare does equal despair.”

This works on many levels. When I compare my insides with your outsides, I always lose.  I also realize that I don’t necessarily want that new, shiny car, but I want the feeling I think the new car will bring me.   It will only bring that feeling temporarily.  When I make this realization, I can then let it go and maybe even do a quick gratitude list about what I am grateful I have, like having an older car that is paid off. 

I once read, “Most unhappiness comes from comparing yourself to others.”  I do agree.  This week, my students had the spelling word, priceless.  When I was asked to explain it, I said, “Peace of mind is priceless.”  When I don’t compare myself to others, I do have much more peace of mind.

Here is a quote to end this blog:

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.

If you are anxious you are living in the future. 
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

- Lao Tzu