The Moment Gratitude Changed My Perspective in the Classroom

I have experienced many moments of gratitude that have changed my life. Yet as I reflect on these moments, one stands out, a moment in the classroom that changed the way I look at my “problems.”

 I am a teacher and I have had the tremendous pleasure of teaching for 10 years. Early on in my career, I had one student that challenged me and presented a “problem” in an interesting manner. This student would watch as I wrote on the white board and raise her hand with a little smile on her face. When I called on her, she would correct me saying things like, “Mr. Griffith, you spelled ‘millennium’ wrong.” On that particular day, I was tired and frustrated, and I did not take this statement very well. In fact, you might say I was “ungrateful” that morning for the student noticing my mistake.

On my first break, I stormed into the teacher’s lunch room and saw a trusted colleague. I told her what had happened and said that this student was being very disrespectful for pointing this out in front of the class. I said that this problem was ruining my day.

She smiled knowingly, as good friends do at these moments, looked at me and said, “That is one of those situations that you can complain about and build up a resentment or you could change it into something positive. That student had to be paying close attention to find the errors you make. You might think about giving students a reward for finding the errors. Then, if you make an error, you can tell them you were just testing them.” We both smiled and my resentment started to soften. My friend went on, “You just started doing a gratitude list with your students. Maybe that student should be at the top of your gratitude list because she is teaching you to turn problems into solutions.”

This startled me. I thought this conversation would go a different direction with some commiserating on our problems in the classroom. But this shock melted into a new way to look at this situation and to appreciate this student with gratitude. I realized that any time I am challenged in life, I do have an opportunity to turn around the situation by applying some gratitude and creativity.

I remembered that the Chinese symbol that represents crisis is a combination of danger and opportunity. If I focus on the opportunity, I will see something good that can come out of any “crisis.”

After lunch, I went back to my classroom and told the students that every day, I would be hiding at least one mistake on the board for them to find, making it a game. If a student found a mistake, they would get a little reward and could make a suggestion for an error for the next day.

Immediately, all the students starting paying closer attention to everything I wrote. They started noticing when I purposely wrote something wrong on the board, like a misspelled word or a grammar or punctuation error.

At the end of the school year, when this class took a standardized test, the scores for editing and correcting punctuation and grammar were through the roof. That one student, who started this entire change in perspective, scored at the college level in this area, and this was for a 4^th grade student. I realized that I could have squashed her talent, but a friend offered the perspective of gratitude and that turned this into a moment we all learned from and enjoyed.

The following year, I had a student who had a wonderful and mischievous sense of humor. This student had a reputation for being a real disruption to classes with his “inappropriate humor.” At the beginning of the school year, he tried to disrupt my class by blurting out something that got the entire class laughing but also got us all way off track. Instantly, I thought back to the moment with the other student and tried to think how this challenge and potential year-long battle could be turned into something positive.

Looking through the lens of gratitude, I saw this boy was funny yet he felt like he needed attention. So I told him, “If you can stay quiet all day, I will give you 2 minutes at the end of the day to do a comedy routine.” He got excited. He asked if he could work up a 5 minute routine and perform on Friday afternoon, so we would all have something to look forward to.

I agreed and never had a problem with him for the rest of the school year. Friday afternoon comedy routines became something we all looked forward to. He did one routine on the spelling bee and another on cafeteria food.  Both were hilarious and stayed within the boundaries of what was appropriate. As I keep these moments of gratitude fresh in my mind, I create a joy that changes those insurmountable problems into challenges that help me grow.

Gratitude is Larger than Life

A friend of mine sent this the other day and I wanted to share it:

"One day, a friend called me on the phone. He was going through a difficult time and wondering if and when things would ever turn around and improve. 

I knew he was in a lot of pain, I didn't know then that he was considering suicide.

"If you could give a person only one thing to help them," he said, "what would it be?"

I thought carefully about his question, and then I replied, "It's not one thing, it's two: gratitude and letting go." 

Gratitude for everything, not just the things we consider good or a blessing. 

And letting go of everything we can't change.

A few years have passed since that day my friend called me on the phone.

 His life has turned around. His financial problems have sorted themselves out. 

His career has shifted. The two very large problems he was facing at that time have both sorted themselves out.

Someone once asked the artist Georgia O'Keeffe why her paintings magnified the size of small objects - the petals on a flower - making them 

appear larger than life, and reduced the size of large objects - like mountains - making them smaller than life. 

"Everyone sees the big things," she said. "But these smaller things are so beautiful and people might not notice them if I didn't emphasize them."

That's the way it is with gratitude and letting go.

 It's easy to see the problems in our lives. They're like mountains.

 But sometimes we overlook the smaller things; we don't notice how truly beautiful they are."

Huffington Post-Two Things I am Most Grateful For

Huffington Post started a new gratitude section. Check it out at:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/gratitude/

I submitted the following in response to their question, "What are you most grateful for?" It was published a couple weeks ago. I absolutely love the wide range of blog posts on this site, from personal stories to Dr. Deepak Chopra writing about a recent study that shows cardiac patients who write gratitude journals benefit both psychologically and physically. Here is my posting:

Of all the things I have done in my life, the one activity that I am most grateful for is being a teacher. In one regard or another, we are all teachers. But, I have had the tremendous pleasure of being a 4^th grade classroom teacher for 10 years and have learned more about myself, others and this world from this remarkable experience.

As a teacher, two of the greatest joys are learning from my students and integrating the practice of gratitude in our lives. Daily, I am given the opportunity to interact and connect with my students as we teach each other. When I realized that I could learn from my students, I had my first “A-ha” moment and that changed everything in my classroom. This awareness brought wonder and passion into my teaching. The paradigm of teacher/students is still constantly being flipped.

In my classroom, I have been incorporating writing “gratitudes” as an activity with the students. We start each day with a list of 5 things we are grateful for. By the end of the year, we have 1,000 gratitudes in our journals. Many students keep this habit up past their year with me. Attitudes are contagious and we encourage an “attitude of gratitude” in our classroom. Recently, I ran into a mom whose son was in my class 6 years ago and now is now in high school. She told me that he was so excited about writing a gratitude list that he came home and wrote a list of 100 gratitudes after his first day in my class.

"However, gratitude does not make every day perfect in our classroom. I still have challenging days, where gratitude is hard to find and thing irritates me more easily. But, I still have a choice to look for gratitude. On those challenging days, when I write a gratitude list, I feel a little better. This exercise helps me become a better teacher. One day in my classroom, a student asked, "Mr. Griffith, can we do a gratitude list together?" I was so pleased that I asked her what motivated her to ask this. She said, "You just looked so stressed today, I thought you could use some gratitude." That made me laugh but she was right, I was stressed and it did help."

One year, I had an inspirational student who saved her allowance and brought gratitude journals for her whole family. Her mom was in nursing school and overwhelmed. At the dinner table, they would share their gratitudes for the day and grow as a family. The mom came to me and thanked me for teaching gratitude to her daughter and helping her family. She said it helped her get through nursing school. From this student, I learned that the ripple effects of gratitude can spread to those around us.

Here is another lesson that I learned from a persistent student. In class, she would diligently complete her work and then ask for extra math work. I would give her math drills, word problems and math enrichment exercises. Taking these extra assignments, she would happily smile.

Then, one day I looked at her and said, “It is so good to see how much you love math.” She looked surprised and said, “On no, math is my hardest subject. After I heard you say that we should be grateful for the things that challenge us in life, I told myself I would work really hard on my hardest subject, math. Maybe with some extra work, I can turn it into my best subject.” She succeeded and it did not take long. She was soon one of the best math student in the class. 

This lesson was instantly applicable in my life and classroom. At times, I tend to shy away from activities that I do not think I am good at. But this student demonstrated that diving in and putting some extra effort into a challenging area will bring success. I still need to remind myself of this when I am confronted, almost daily, with areas in life that I might avoid instead of embracing. 

Yesterday, my son said, “Daddy, come draw with me.”  I almost said, “I am not a good artist.” But, I have said this repeatedly. In fact, I have said it so much, it had become automatic. Thankfully, I caught myself that time. Instead, I sat down, grabbed a crayon and completed a self-portrait, enjoying every second.

Finally, teaching allows me to practice gratitude in my work and continue growing as I learn from my students. They challenge me to practice “radical grateful,” as expressed in the following quote:

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we do not even recognize: a blue sky, green leaves, the black curious eyes of a child –our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Gratitude and Grief - My Brother Steve

In my life, one of the people I am most grateful for is my oldest brother Steve. Steve was a musician, a naturalist and poet. He taught me how to play guitar, took me back-packing, encouraged me to read great literature, like Moby Dick, and inspired me to write. I am deeply grateful for all of these gifts he shared with me. I would not be writing this blog without his passion for writing and showing me the power of the written word.

Passionately, Steve would describe the shamanistic power of words and how the act of writing has the power to heal us and also articulate those aspects of life that seem impossible to pin down. He presented a new concept, that words have the power to create a bridge between our minds that connects us and allow us to communicate even when space or time may separate us otherwise.

I feel that power of words more than ever because a few years ago, I lost my brother unexpectedly, but I still feel connected to him. As I approach the anniversary of his passing, I have some new gratitude for him. The gratitude for my brother grows and somewhat surprisingly, our relationship still grows.

Often, I reflect on all the aspects of my being that he influenced. He loved music and movies. In college, he was a critic for the college paper. When I was only 7 years old, I modeled myself after him. I asked him how I could become a critic and he told me to start writing reviews of movies, music and books, asking questions like, “What made that movie enjoyable?” or “Why was that movie so moving?’ Those questions sparked my enthusiasm for writing.

Still, I always doubted my abilities and never thought it was possible to write or have anything published. But he believed in me, as well as encouraging me to write and keep improving my writing skills. Recently, when I started a project to write a book, I thanked him out loud. I smiled as I realized how vibrantly he is still with me. I know that physically losing someone does not end a relationship. As I see his influence in my life, I feel our relationship still grow.

Reflecting on the gratitude I have for Steve, I think back to the last night we were together. I had flown to California to see my parents and he showed up unexpectedly, boarding a plane with just a toothbrush and his prized, Martin guitar. That night, he asked, “Do you want to go in the back yard and play guitar?” I was exhausted after a busy week and knew I needed sleep for the flight the next day, but I told him, ‘Sure, let’s do it.” I am so glad that I took this final chance to be with him.

The sun was setting as we sat down and started jamming. After I showed him a new song I was working on, we started playing and lost track of time as we fell into the groove. He played one of his favorite Grateful Dead songs and I accompanied him. After a few hours, we both stood up and gave each other a strong, deep hug. We really had connected in that deep and profound way that only music allow.

After replaying this scene in my head, I started to feel how gratitude can help when I am experiencing loss by letting a little love and light come in to start the healing. Every time I pick up a guitar, I am reminded of the gift of music he gave me. Now, I teach guitar and have the opportunity to give back a gift that Steve gave me.

After he passed away, I received my brother’s Martin guitar. I had ambivalent feelings about getting it. I was afraid that having the guitar might remind me of how much I missed Steve. Thankfully, I didn't experience those negative feelings. When I opened the guitar case to find the smell of his cigarettes that I used to find unpleasant, the smell actually evoked a pleasant memory, reminding me of his presence.

Taking some lyrics Steve wrote, I spent a few months putting music to his words, feeling him guide me. A friend volunteered his basement studio to record the song. Of course, on the recording, I played his Martin guitar.

Hesitantly, I shared this song and story with my family and then played it for my students on Steve’s Martin guitar. I felt like this might be too painful to share or that it might bring up some sad memories. On the contrary, everyone expressed gratitude for sharing it. Some people even said that it helped them work through their losses and find hope that they could honor the loss of their loved ones and still enjoy their memories. One parent sent an email, saying that their daughter was so touched by the story of my brother, that she was finally able to talk about losing her grandmother and start the healing process.

I still have an ongoing conversation with Steve and feel his influence on me as well as his presence in my life. My son, who never met Steve, asks about him. I recount many stories of Steve and his intelligence, passion and humor as well as the gratitude I have for the gifts he gave that I can now pass on. 

When Death Comes – A Poem by Mary Oliver

This is one of the best poems I have discovered lately. I heard someone read it on a podcast and it brightened my day. It deals with a challenging subject, death, but puts it in a new light for me. 

Enjoy.

    When Death Comes – A Poem by Mary Oliver

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps his purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering;
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.

I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

Stuck at Starbucks in the Snow

In Atlanta, we have had a crazy week of weather. It is Thursday morning and we got 3 inches of snow last night. Incredibly, this week we have been out of school 3 out of the 4 days so far. A beautiful blanket of snow awaits my 6-year old, my wife and I after we eat breakfast.

Monday was OK, but Tuesday morning, I woke to icy roads and snow. I checked and school wasn't called off, so I got in my car and carefully headed off for work. My neighbor was also leaving at the same time, so I followed his tracks through the fresh snow. When we got to the main road, I got a little nervous because I started sliding on the ice, but I have driven in the snow before, so I thought I would make it. After all, I survived Snow-mageddon last year in Atlanta, where thousands were stranded overnight on the roads in a freak snow storm, but I was grateful for a 6 hour commute through the icy roads that day.

When I got on the freeway and started climbing the first hill, my heart started racing as I felt my car's traction slipping. I took some deep breaths and thought of turning around and going home, but that would be just as dangerous at that point, so I carefully crested the hill and made it to flatter ground. I felt my shoulders tense and tried to relax but stay alert. A few unlucky cars were already in the middle median and off on the shoulder. The roads were so treacherous that the police had closed the freeway in the opposite direction going down the hill.

After an hour, I made it my off-ramp and saw I had a text. I looked at it(while safely stopped) and saw that school was delayed until 10:30. Since the roads were so bad and I was 25 miles from home, I went a few blocks slowly to Starbucks. This Starbucks is always jammed, but I do stop once by once in a while to indulge in a Late with a gift card a generous student has given me. So, I called my wife, let her know I made it OK, but I told her I wish I was home, sipping a hot chocolate with her and my son. I even felt a little resentment that school didn’t send the text earlier and saved me the dangerous commute.

As she so gracefully does, my wife reminded me that I am always saying I don’t have enough time to write my book, a big project that will be due in September. I try to make progress when I have a few spare minutes, but big chunks of time are hard to find. The other irony here is that the book is about “gratitude” and I did not feel much gratitude until she reminded me about it. I was relieved to have made it to Starbucks, but I was stressed and my nerves were a little frazzled. I sipped my Veranda-blend coffee, sat down and started to graciously accept my situation.

It is funny, the two things that do seem to be in short supply in many of our lives are time and money. An old boss used to remind me of the importance of time by saying, “You can make more money, but you can’t make more time.” I have taken this to heart as I watch my son grow up too quickly and want to savor every moment with him and my wife.

A little deserted with only a couple people scattered throughout the coffee bar, I got a prime spot by the window and opened me computer. I did my gratitude list, felt better and then delved earnestly into one of the chapters I am working on. My sister, Diane, has been generously editing my work and it feels so good to be making progress. I hoped to get her off another chapter by the time the roads cleared.

Suddenly, the young man sitting near me picked up his phone and started to become agitated, saying, “If I don’t make it to court in an hour, I will go to jail.” This caught my attention. He went on to say that he realized the roads were bad, but he needed a ride and a taxi would cost $200. I immediately tried to think if I could help him, but needed to know where he had to go. When he got off the phone and we talked, it turned out be too far for me to take him and be back in time for school. It turns out this young man had just got off a graveyard shift and didn't have a car. Finally, the person originally slated to take him couldn't get through the snow and he was stuck.

The disconsolate young man said, “I will walk in the snow and hopefully make it there in a few hours and the judge may take pity on me.” I was trying to think of other options for him.

But then, miraculously, the woman with a few kids sitting near us said that her husband telecommutes and he could possible take him to court.  It felt so encouraging to hear this woman offer help to a stranger. In 15 minutes, her husband arrived and they went off to the courthouse. They got there with 5 minutes to spare.

I complimented the helpful woman and told her that her good deed was commendable. She simple said that she had been helped in her life and it was her turn and that she takes every opportunity to help others. She went on to say she has been given so much, she should give back. It turns out she was also a teacher and her school was also delayed. As we talked, I told her that the example she is demonstrating to her children is extremely powerful. I followed her 3 beautiful children as they went out to play in the snow. I crunched some snow underneath my shoes, took a deep breath of the frigid air and felt deeply alive and connected, after witnessing this noble action. Here is a photo of the snowman they built.

Instead of writing the book, I got to know her and enjoyed being “stuck at Starbucks.” The book waiting until later and it was easier to write because I was a witness to some true “gratitude in action.”

We never know what will happen in life, but when we observe these altruistic acts of giving and kindness, we are reminded that the world truly is filled with kind people and the world is a good place, even with all the indicators that seem to be saying that the world is a miserable place that is only getting worse.

I will end the blog with a quote this compassionate woman gave me:

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."-John Wesley

The Challenges and the Miracles of My First Year Teaching

After 10 years in the classroom, I have been reflecting on my early days in the trenches of education. Recalling these stories and life lessons have given me a new appreciation of this journey.

My first year teaching, I entered the classroom with idealistic dreams. I went through extra training in pedagogy that tempered those lofty goals and gave me many tools I was anxious to use.  I taught 7^th grade science in an inner-city school and saw 120 students a day.  Sadly, within a few weeks, dealing with a multitude of challenges, I quickly slipped into survival mode and questioned my decision to become a teacher.  But, small and sometimes tremendous miracles did happen that kept me moving forward.

Because I had been practicing gratitude and keeping a gratitude list, I still kept a decent attitude through all the challenges of that first year.  A fellow teacher commented that even though my first year was tough and she saw me struggle, I kept the most positive attitude she had ever seen. That positive outlook did help me, but I didn’t see how it could apply with the students yet.

Of all the things I have done in my life, getting through my first year of teaching was by far my most challenging undertaking. And yes, during that first year, I would reach those transcendent moments where I did connect with the student and felt the magic that happens when the classroom unites in learning.

Angel

During my first week of teaching, one day I came across one of my student, Angel, sitting in the hallway with some sheet music. I asked, “Are you a musician?”

 She said, “No, but I love to sing and I am learning a new song.” I asked her if she would sing for me, but Angel said, “No, Mr. Griffith, I am too shy.”

As I walked away I said, “Someday, when you are ready, you will sing for me.”

Then, a month later, Angel saw me in hallway and said, “Mr. Griffith, I am ready today.” I tried to think about what she meant. Through the tornado of activity that first month, I forgot about that previous interaction. But, she brought out the sheet music, and I remembered it all. I realized that she had been working for a month on the song and getting her courage up just for this day. I asked her if she would perform for the class, but she said, “No, I will sing just for you.”

When the students all exited the classroom, she closed her eyes, and a voice came out of her that fit her name. It truly seemed like an angel had entered the classroom as she sang. I closed my eyes and enjoyed connecting with her on a different level.

As I listened, I also realized the power to inspire we have as teachers, and that when we challenge our students, they will often respond positively. In addition, she inspired me to bring my guitar into the classroom and share music with my students, integrating it into class. While she grew in her courage through this interaction, I grew in my ability to connect with my students by seeing that there are many ways to reach students outside the traditional paradigms.

As the year progressed, I kept doing the things that worked, but classroom management was getting in the way of my lessons. This was a tough school, and I was breaking up fights in my classroom, as well as dealing with students who had given up on life by the 7^th grade. I wanted to reach all these students so much, but I could only connect from time to time with a small fraction of them.

Many nights, I would wake up at 3 AM, haunted by all the things going wrong with my teaching. This is when I would do a personal gratitude list and still find the good things happening among all the apparent problems. This kept me going through those darkest hours. Just when I thought of quitting and going back to my old career, a major miracle happened.

Robert

Robert was a tough 7^th grader who didn’t seem to care about school or anything else. By his own admission, he was on the brink of joining a gang and failing every subject. When I would pass out the science assignment for the day, he would say, “Mr. G., science doesn’t mean anything in my life.” Then, he would ceremoniously crumple up the assignment and throw it in the trash saying, “I’ll take an “F” for the day.” This bothered me tremendously, and I tried different things to reach him, but didn’t seem to get through.

Then after Christmas Break, one day I handed out a new assignment about the scientific method. Surprisingly, Robert looked intently at the page and said, “Will you help me with this Mr. G?” After what he said registered in my brain, I quickly went to his desk and guided him through the scientific method. On the way home that night, I found myself smiling and wondering what happened to Robert. The next thing that ran through my mind was, “Will this change last, or was it a one day anomaly?”

The next day, we delved further into the scientific method, and Robert asked more questions. Even more shocking, he started helping some of his fellow students who used to throw the papers away right along with Robert. Robert’s turn around came at my darkest hour in the classroom. I don’t know if I would have kept going if it hadn’t been for this minor miracle.

But I realized it wasn’t just a minor miracle. When a student who was thinking about joining a gang and failing every subject turned around and not only got straight A’s in my science class but also got straight A’s in every subject by the end of the year, helped other students in academics, and stayed out of trouble, I realized I was a small part of a major mireacle. When I had one award to give at the end of the year, I gave it to Robert and felt overwhelmed with joy as he walked across the stage at the assembly to receive his award. His parents came to the ceremony and were beaming with the same joy we all shared that day.

Astonished and encouraged by this student’s turn around, I asked my mentor if she had a student like this every year, and she said that she has not had any students like this in her seven years of teaching. I examined Robert’s dramatic about face with his other teachers, but we could not locate that specific instance that changed him and got him on a positive track. When I asked Robert what had happened, he said, “You never gave up on me and kept trying with me Mr.G.” I was reminded of a saying from a pedagogy course that said, “All it takes to change a student’s life is the appropriate adult at the appropriate time.”

Spirituality of Storytelling-Part 5

I am still enjoying writing down the stories that I tell my 4th graders. They get one story every Friday and it is the highlight of the week for many of them. Even the students who do not seem interested at other times are usually riveted when I tell one of my "Mr. Griffith Stories." They will even ask me to retell some of their favorites. Storytelling is spiritual and educational. Here are two more of my favorites:

“Mouse Trap”

On a farm, a farmer and wife lived with a chicken, a pig and a mouse. One day, the mouse overheard the farmer talking to his wife, saying that he decided it was time to get rid of the mouse, so he will get mouse trap.  Alarmed by this, the mouse goes to tell his friend the chicken, asking if the chicken will help him. The chicken is unconcerned and says, “This doesn't concern me, take care of it yourself.”

Disappointed, but still hopeful, the mouse went to see his other friend, the pig, again asking for help. The pig said the same thing to the mouse, that this didn't affect the pig so the mouse should figure it out yourself. Discouraged, the mouse went and hid in his hole.

The next day, the farmer’s wife was awakened with a loud snap as an animal was caught in the mouse trap. All the animals were relieved when they heard that it was a snake that was caught in the trap. But when the farmer’s wife went to get the snake out of the trap, it bit her and she got very ill. To help his wife feel better, the farmer killed the chicken to make soup for his ailing wife. Sadly, the wife got worse and died. So, the farmer killed the pig to feed all the mourners at his wife’s funeral.
So, when a mouse comes asking for help, try to help, it will eventually affect us all.

“The Banquet Hall”

One night, a man had a dream. He was a psychologist and he dreamed of conducting his ultimate research study. In this study, there was a huge banquet hall with a delicious feast for everyone at the table. But, the people at the table had long forks that were attached to their hands, so they could not pick up the food, but were forced to use the utensils. These forks were 48 inches long, so long in fact, that no one was able to get the food to their mouths. Everyone kept trying, but no one could get the food in their own mouths. The people were becoming emaciated, frustrated and depressed.

Just as quickly as this room had appeared, he was transported to another room with the exact same gourmet food and the exact same forks attached to the hands of a new group of people. But, in this banquet hall, all the people were smiling, talking and even laughing. They did not look like they are starving. Then, he noticed the difference, in this room, the people are all feeding each other with the long forks.

Being a scientist, he had to find the difference. So, he asked a man at the table why they were feeding each other? The man said that everyone started to try to feed themselves and failed miserable. Finally, one woman asked the man next to her if she could try to put some food in his mouth with her long fork. It worked. When others saw this, they all started feeding each other and instantly changed the atmosphere of the room from frustration to joy.

I asked the 4^th graders what this story means. One boy said that if someone is willing to help, their example can change the world around them. I like that.

Quotes to end the blog:

“I'm not young enough to know everything.”

- J.M. Barrie






“The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.”

- William James

Spirituality of Storytelling-Part 4

"Do a Good Deed and Don’t Get Caught”

The following is a true story that the students enjoy every year. I had a friend named Elizabeth who was one of the happiest people I knew. Always with a smile on her face, she seemed to weather the storms in life with equanimity and she truly enjoy the simple pleasures. Once, I asked her how she seemed to stay so positive and she told me this story.

When she was a young adult, she was focused on her life and getting what she wanted, yet she found life unsatisfying. She was talking to a mentor in her life and her mentor gave her an assignment. The assignment was to do a good deed and not get found out. She was given specific instructions.

She was told to purchase a dozen roses and go to a nursing home, walk up to the front desk and tell the receptionist to give the dozen roses to someone who never gets any visitors. Then, she had to turn around and leave before the receptionist had a chance to thank her or say anything. Next, the hardest part is not to tell anyone she did it.

So, Elizabeth did it per instruction. She felt so good walking out of the nursing home that she picked up her phone and almost called her best friend to share the wonderful experience. But, she caught herself just in time and hung up. All through the day, she was thinking about what she did and she felt the urge to tell someone and let it out, but she knew she wanted to follow directions and see what happened.

For the next couple days, Elizabeth felt like she was bursting and really wanted to share this with friends and co-workers, but she kept it in. On the third day, as she was driving home, she said she felt a new feeling inside, it was almost like a ray of sunshine in her heart because she had done something good for someone else and didn't need to brag of get recognition as she usually did. Thus, there was something inside her that would grow as she found more ways, both big and small, to help her family, friends, co-workers and even strangers and not get caught.

A month later, when she recounted the story to her mentor, she was told that she could relay the story now to inspire others to do good deeds and not get caught. Oprah Winfrey and others have encouraged “Random Acts of Kindness” which is powerful. Also, the movie “Pay It Forward” dealt with this idea, but I like Elizabeth’s take and I encourage my students to do this and see how it makes them feel, to see if that sunshine gets planted in their hearts and starts to grow as they find the pure joy in helping others for the sake of helping, not getting the kudos for doing it. It may not be surprising that 4th graders seem to find this easier than some adults.
Quote to end story:

“When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.”

- John Lennon

“The Starfish”

A young couple got married and had an ideal cottage on the shore on an isolated beach on the island of Kauai in Hawaii. Deeply in love, they were enjoying every moment together. One morning, the new wife woke up to find her husband was not in bed. She went and checked the kitchen, but he wasn't there either. Looking outside, she saw the sun cresting the mountainside and her husband on the beach, picking up starfish. This was such an odd sight that she ran outside to see what he was doing.

As she approached him, she saw starfish all over the beach, thousands and thousands of starfish everywhere. Her husband looked up and said, “Do you see this, a freak storm last night washed all these starfish on the shore and they will all die if we don’t get them back in the water.” 

She looked at him and said, “There are so many starfish, there is no way we can save them all, why don’t we just accept that they won’t survive and get on with the honeymoon? It won’t make a difference.” He looked at her, picked up a starfish, walked it back into the ocean and said, “It makes a difference to this one.” Looking around, she knew that even if they couldn't help them all, every one they could help would make a difference, so she picked up the closest starfish and smiled as she walked into the water. The long day they helped the starfish ended up being the best day of their honeymoon.

An afterward to this story, I find this story helpful as a teacher, because sometimes it feels like we can’t help all those stranded starfish we encounter in the classroom, but we can enjoy each one we bring back to shore.

Are You a Giver or a Taker?

My wonderful sister Nancy, who has been the inspiration of much of my gratitude, sent a powerful fax to me from ExecTech, a management company she works with. The fax was about determining if we are givers or takers. It really got me thinking.

Below is the fax from ExecTech. Interestingly, I usually think of myself as a “Giver”, but in the questionnaire below, I found myself surprisingly on the “Taker” list more than I would have imagined. It brought some awareness to some of my behavior, so I will try to bring the light of awareness into my life and actions by being less selfish and more giving, letting go of my expectations. I will take the challenge below.

NOTE: This fax was geared to doctors, so I did change the lists to make them more general. For example, I put “people” in the place of “patients.”

“Danny Tomas was a successful comedian, actor and producer for five decades. He starred in many shows including "Make Room for Daddy" which ran for 13 years. Actress Marlo Tomas is his daughter. 

When he was broke and struggling, he vowed that if his show-business career took off, he would help those in need. So at the peak of his success, he decided to build a hospital that would treat children with life-threatening diseases, while finding new cures. He believed that "no child should die in the dawn of life." 

Danny and his friends built St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis Tennessee. It is the nation's second largest health-care charity and is supported by over one million volunteers nationwide. Discoveries at St. Jude have changed how doctors treat children with cancer and other catastrophic illnesses.  

Danny Tomas said, "There are two types of people in this world: givers and takers. Takers always eat better, but givers always sleep better." 

10 Signs You Are a Taker 

1.      You focus on getting money more than anything else. 

2.       You use unfair pressure to get what you want. 

3.       As long as someone adds to your bottom line, you support them. If they do not, you ignore           them. 

4.       You search for ways to cheat the IRS and insurance companies with exaggerations and                “gaming the system.” 

5.       If you hurt someone while taking what you want, you have no regrets. 

6.       You truly believe everyone else in this world is just after money, and you hope they will fail. 

7.       You are secretly delighted when others believe your lies and give you what you want. 

8.       You treat everyone as pieces in your game, never teammates. 

9.       You can only give or accept help if it increases your bottom line. 

10.   You eat really well, but you may not sleep well and have health problems. 

10 Signs You Are a Giver 

1.      You measure your success based on many things, not just material success. 

2.       You help others when you can regardless of your bottom line.

3.       As you move up the wealth ladder, you give help to those in need, whenever you can. 

4.       If someone cheats or hurts you, you get even by succeeding more than ever before. 

5.       You celebrate the success of others. 

6.       You do what you do because you love it. 

7.       You increase your happiness with intelligence, hard work and passion. 

8.       You give joy to others. You make them happier which then makes you happier. 

9.       You really sleep well. You feel like smiling most of each day. You feel strong! 

10.   You feel sorry for Takers. You know you will live a longer and happier life than they will.” 

Owen’s Challenge: 

Try to find a new way to give our time, talent and treasure to your family, friends, colleagues, strangers and the world. We may not be able to do something as big as what Danny Thomas did, but we can definitely change our worlds by being Givers.

Here are some more thoughts I had on being a Giver or Taker:

Once at a talk, the leader said he doesn't like to "pigeon-hole" people or minimize them by classifying them, but he still divides everyone in the world to two groups. He asked us all if we could guess the two groups. Someone guessed "Winners/Looser", someone else guessed, "Nice/Mean." Neither answer was right, he said he can put everyone in one of two groups, "Givers" and "Takers." He went on to delineate the characteristics of each. 

First of all, givers are happier because they are thinking about others and not so focused on themselves, their  problems or making everything work out exactly as they think they need it to be to achieve happiness. Givers have more energy because they get back more than they give to others. Altruistic giving has been shown to increase positive neurotransmitters in the giver, receiver and anyone observing the act of giving. People who volunteer or care for others consistently are happier and less depressed.

Conversely, takers feel more depressed as they keep score and try to squeeze out an advantage to every deal. Takers waste opportunities to connect with others as they try to get everything they can in every interaction.

In another life, before I became a teacher, I worked in the business world. In one new employee training, they went over the old business plan and the new ideal. In the past, they said businesses went for the kill, trying to get every penny out of the customer in every deal, sometimes without regard for ethics. The new ideal is to create win/win situations, where we give the customer something in exchange for their long-term business. 

At this training, they went on to talk about "emotional" back accounts. This was eye-opening for me, to think that when we deal with people, we need to make deposits into their emotional bank accounts before we can make a withdrawal. For example, if you ask someone for a favor, they are more likely to do it if you have cultivated a relationship and done something for them. Like a bank account, you can't let your account get negative. I agree with that, but would go on to say the most successful people are the ones who realize they have an enough to spread around and make deposits without keeping track. These are  the true givers in life.

Quotes to end blog: 

“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” 

― Mother Teresa

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” 
― Charles Dickens

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” 
― Winston S. Churchill

“You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” 
― Khalil Gibran