Gratitude is a way of
thinking, feeling, acting, and being. It is a powerful force that affects us
both as givers and receivers. We long remember expressions of gratitude. Imagine
what it would be like to live in a world without gratitude! Imagine what
relationships would be like without feelings and expressions of gratitude.
Regardless of our feelings and sensitivities, we can choose to become more
grateful. We can choose to
express gratitude more often to more people in ways large and small, for in
large measure gratitude is a matter of choice. We each decide what we are
grateful for. We each decide to whom or to what we are grateful and under what
circumstances we will express it.
Are we grateful to parents,
children, teachers, friends, colleagues, business associates, and those who
enrich our lives and light our way? Are we grateful for obstacles and
adversaries? Are we grateful for challenges and opportunities? Are we grateful
for second chances? Are we grateful for health, for a job, for the opportunity
to earn a living, for humor and laughter, for the opportunity to help others?
For air, water, sunlight, and the natural world? Are we grateful for life? And
to whom or to what are we grateful?
Each of us decides where we
will focus the energy of gratitude. We can focus on others, events, a higher
power, or something more amorphous—Lady Luck, for example. We can do so
silently in our hearts and minds, or we can express ourselves in a discernible way. I’m grateful that our country has a national holiday devoted to giving
thanks. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. In our family we have a
tradition of going around the table after our Thanksgiving feast and sharing
what we are especially thankful for. This year I expressed gratitude for our
two grandchildren, Gabrielle and Sebastien, who are a continual source of joy
and delight. Next I focused on another source of family joy: our son Brian’s
recent marriage to Barbara Grinspan. My devoted wife Laney and I are delighted
that Barb has joined our family as a new daughter.
This brings to mind something
else for which I’m especially thankful. Brian’s full name is Brian L. Sokolow.
Where did the “L.” come from? I was 33 when Brian was born. Laney and I
selected Lee as Brian’s middle name to honor my mentor, Professor Lee Olson.
Brian is now 33 and during this past Thanksgiving Lee Olson was in hospice
care. It was clear that he was in the last stage of his life and had only days
or, at most, weeks to live. So around the Thanksgiving table I expressed my
gratitude for the blessing that Lee Olson has been and is to me and to our
entire family. Lee knew that he was dying. He asked me and my son Brian Lee to
speak at the celebration of his life. When he passed on a few weeks later, it
was our honor to do so. It was a time for the ultimate expression of gratitude.
Lee had been a guiding light
in my life for 42 years. Over the years our relationship had evolved from the
formal ones of master’s advisor, intern advisor, and doctoral advisor, to a
dear friend who was like a second father to me. Lee Olson was a blessing in my
life and I told him so. He was an uncommonly good and wise man. His influence
on my professional, personal, and spiritual growth was profound and enduring.
In many ways, by example, he taught me how to live and, ultimately, how to die.
Despite his failing health and imminent death, he maintained his good sense of
humor, focus on others, and gratitude toward life. In fact, before his health
began to deteriorate he was planning a seminar on the power of gratitude for
the members of his retirement community. Lee Olson had an Attitude of
Gratitude.
Some people have the vision
and ability to light the way for others. What made Lee Olson so special is that
he could do it for so many people in countless ways. I once told him that I was
deeply indebted to him for all the things he did to enhance my life but that I
felt frustrated because I couldn’t think of a way to adequately repay him. To
which he responded, “Repay me by passing it along to as many people in as many
ways as you can.” In the spirit of all great teachers, he challenged me to
follow his example and share the principles he lived and taught.
Forty-two years ago this
remarkable man entered my life. Call it good fortune, karma, synchronicity,
grace, or a blessing. The entire trajectory of my life was positively affected
by this extraordinary man.
Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow, a former superintendent of schools, is currently co-authoring a series of books on the spiritual principles of leadership. He is also a founding partner and executive director of the Center for Empowered Leadership.
