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Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Thanksgiving Gratitude Guest Blog by Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow

Gratitude is a way of thinking, feeling, acting, and being. It is a powerful force that affects us both as givers and receivers. We long remember expressions of gratitude. Imagine what it would be like to live in a world without gratitude! Imagine what relationships would be like without feelings and expressions of gratitude. Regardless of our feelings and sensitivities, we can choose to become more grateful. We can choose to express gratitude more often to more people in ways large and small, for in large measure gratitude is a matter of choice. We each decide what we are grateful for. We each decide to whom or to what we are grateful and under what circumstances we will express it.

Are we grateful to parents, children, teachers, friends, colleagues, business associates, and those who enrich our lives and light our way? Are we grateful for obstacles and adversaries? Are we grateful for challenges and opportunities? Are we grateful for second chances? Are we grateful for health, for a job, for the opportunity to earn a living, for humor and laughter, for the opportunity to help others? For air, water, sunlight, and the natural world? Are we grateful for life? And to whom or to what are we grateful?

Each of us decides where we will focus the energy of gratitude. We can focus on others, events, a higher power, or something more amorphous—Lady Luck, for example. We can do so silently in our hearts and minds, or we can express ourselves in a discernible way. I’m grateful that our country has a national holiday devoted to giving thanks. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. In our family we have a tradition of going around the table after our Thanksgiving feast and sharing what we are especially thankful for. This year I expressed gratitude for our two grandchildren, Gabrielle and Sebastien, who are a continual source of joy and delight. Next I focused on another source of family joy: our son Brian’s recent marriage to Barbara Grinspan. My devoted wife Laney and I are delighted that Barb has joined our family as a new daughter.

This brings to mind something else for which I’m especially thankful. Brian’s full name is Brian L. Sokolow. Where did the “L.” come from? I was 33 when Brian was born. Laney and I selected Lee as Brian’s middle name to honor my mentor, Professor Lee Olson. Brian is now 33 and during this past Thanksgiving Lee Olson was in hospice care. It was clear that he was in the last stage of his life and had only days or, at most, weeks to live. So around the Thanksgiving table I expressed my gratitude for the blessing that Lee Olson has been and is to me and to our entire family. Lee knew that he was dying. He asked me and my son Brian Lee to speak at the celebration of his life. When he passed on a few weeks later, it was our honor to do so. It was a time for the ultimate expression of gratitude.

Lee had been a guiding light in my life for 42 years. Over the years our relationship had evolved from the formal ones of master’s advisor, intern advisor, and doctoral advisor, to a dear friend who was like a second father to me. Lee Olson was a blessing in my life and I told him so. He was an uncommonly good and wise man. His influence on my professional, personal, and spiritual growth was profound and enduring. In many ways, by example, he taught me how to live and, ultimately, how to die. Despite his failing health and imminent death, he maintained his good sense of humor, focus on others, and gratitude toward life. In fact, before his health began to deteriorate he was planning a seminar on the power of gratitude for the members of his retirement community. Lee Olson had an Attitude of Gratitude.

Some people have the vision and ability to light the way for others. What made Lee Olson so special is that he could do it for so many people in countless ways. I once told him that I was deeply indebted to him for all the things he did to enhance my life but that I felt frustrated because I couldn’t think of a way to adequately repay him. To which he responded, “Repay me by passing it along to as many people in as many ways as you can.” In the spirit of all great teachers, he challenged me to follow his example and share the principles he lived and taught.

Forty-two years ago this remarkable man entered my life. Call it good fortune, karma, synchronicity, grace, or a blessing. The entire trajectory of my life was positively affected by this extraordinary man.


Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow, a former superintendent of schools, is currently co-authoring a series of books on the spiritual principles of leadership. He is also a founding partner and executive director of the Center for Empowered Leadership.

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