Rising Strong

Recently, I have been enjoying Brene Brown's most recent book, Rising Strong. She explores shame, vulnerability, and living a whole-hearted life. One of her previous books, The Gifts of Imperfection, helped me cultivate a new awareness of shame and the process we can take to becoming happily and usefully whole.

Brown defines shame as feeling “I am bad” versus the feeling of guilt, which is “I did something bad.” She says guilt can help us grow and learn, but shame can take us down for the count. If we are aware of our feelings of shame and grow curious about them, as well as working on those feelings by talking to others, we may still retain the ability to be vulnerable and connect with others. Then, we are on the journey to wholehearted life. I like the way she writes about the ability we all have to “write a new ending to our story.”

Here is a quote she gives, encompassing much of the book’s ideas:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possible broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoids all entanglements. Lock it up in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." - C. S. Lewis

Similarly, when I was young, I heard an Irish Priest talk about the idea of walking around with our hands open or our fists clenched tight. He said that if we have open hands, we have the incredible ability to open doors, touch others, and feel many things. But, those open hands sometimes get fingers caught in doors and hurt. After some people get their fingers injured, they close their fists and decide it is better to live what feels like a safe life, instead of being vulnerable and risk being wounded again.

However, they lose the ability to open doors, to give hugs or presents, and the possibility of holding hands or touching others. As I look back on this idea, I realize that if I want to help others, I must keep my hand open and even stretch them out to others. Then, I can feel that connection that may make us “whole-hearted.”

Brown sums it up by saying, “Vulnerability-the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of the outcome-is the only path to more love, belonging, and joy.” Her book is all about opening up and finding the courage to keep growing and build up a resilience to withstand heartache and still be able to grow with love.

I am just finishing the book and will write more about my discoveries soon. Pick up a copy of Rising Strong, if you get a chance, and let me know what you think.