Rising Strong #2 and Writing to Heal

My last blog was about Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong. I have finished the book and here are some more thoughts:

One of the powerful aspects of Rising Strong is the way Brown writes about becoming a “wholehearted” person along with recognizing our shame and vulnerability. Brown says that wholeheartedness means “cultivating courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave and worthy of love and belonging.’”

Personally, I have known a few people who get stuck in the first aspect of this book, they are aware of their shame and vulnerability, but they get trapped in that. They turn into “victims.” I had one friend who would preface statements by saying, “I came from a dysfunctional family.” At one point, I had to tell her that we all came from dysfunctional families and our task now is to work through that dysfunction and pain, so we don’t have to pass it on to those in our lives today or to our children.  This idea helped her and it also helped me work on my own dysfunction without being enslaved by it.

In the book, Brown does give some tools and action we all can do to process our shame and vulnerability and become more wholehearted. One thing she writes about are the benefits of "writing to heal." She gives some helpful guidelines. First of all, she says that when we are upset, resentful, angry, fearful or feeling shame, we should just jot down “the story,” what we are telling ourselves. So much of time, this “story” going on in our heads is snowballing. Just writing it down, on a computer, iPhone, paper, or post it note, gives us some perspective and takes power away from it.

One humorous thing Brown says is that we should write a S. F. D. That stands for Short First Draft, but you can substitute a more colorful S-word for some humor. In your SFD, try to include these aspects of the “story I'm making up”:

·       My emotions

·       My body

·       My thinking

·       My beliefs

·       My actions

It can be short, even just a few sentences, addressing each of these aspect. Then, if we have someone we can trust, share it with them. Brown articulately states: 
“When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.”

I am grateful that I can own my story and share it with a few close friends. Even when we are working, I can call one of them and get the details of my SFD out in 1-2 minutes. They do the same with me and it always feels good to help. Here is something else interesting about calling a friend to share, even when I just leave a voice-mail, summarizing what is going on with me, I feel much better.

The action of writing intuitively makes sense and is one of those tools that works in my life. But, I appreciate Brown citing the scientific research that shows that this is an effective action and worth our time and effort. James Pennebaker, a researcher at the University of Texas, Austin and author of Writing to Heal, says that writing helps us translate difficult and messy experiences into language that is “graspable.”

Pennebaker says, “Emotional upheavals touch every part of our lives. You don’t just lose a job, you don’t just get divorced. These things affect all aspects of who we are - our financial situation, our relationships with others, our view of ourselves, our issues of life and death. Writing helps us focus and organize our experience.”

In an interesting study, subjects were asked to write about emotional upheavals for 15-20 minutes for 4 days in a row. Subjects reported a decrease of anxiety, rumination, and depressive symptoms, as well as an increase in their immune systems. 

Check out more details on "Writing to Heal" at: https://www.utexas.edu/features/2005/writing/

Another subject Brown writes about is how men and women handle shame differently. She says that men are more likely to express anger than admit that they feel shame.  

Brown sums up this dynamic well:

“Show me a woman who can hold space for a man in real fear and vulnerability, and I’ll show you a woman who’s learned to embrace her own vulnerability and who doesn’t derive her power or status from that man. Show me a man who can sit with a woman in real fear and vulnerability and just hear her struggle without trying to fix it or give advice, and I’ll show you a man who’s comfortable with his own vulnerability and doesn’t derive his power from being Oz, the all-knowing and all-powerful.”

Here is a last quote from Teddy Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

May we all “dare greatly” to be open and vulnerable, tempered with strength and resiliency. Above all, may we all help each other grow with the healing of love.

Rising Strong

Recently, I have been enjoying Brene Brown's most recent book, Rising Strong. She explores shame, vulnerability, and living a whole-hearted life. One of her previous books, The Gifts of Imperfection, helped me cultivate a new awareness of shame and the process we can take to becoming happily and usefully whole.

Brown defines shame as feeling “I am bad” versus the feeling of guilt, which is “I did something bad.” She says guilt can help us grow and learn, but shame can take us down for the count. If we are aware of our feelings of shame and grow curious about them, as well as working on those feelings by talking to others, we may still retain the ability to be vulnerable and connect with others. Then, we are on the journey to wholehearted life. I like the way she writes about the ability we all have to “write a new ending to our story.”

Here is a quote she gives, encompassing much of the book’s ideas:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possible broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoids all entanglements. Lock it up in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." - C. S. Lewis

Similarly, when I was young, I heard an Irish Priest talk about the idea of walking around with our hands open or our fists clenched tight. He said that if we have open hands, we have the incredible ability to open doors, touch others, and feel many things. But, those open hands sometimes get fingers caught in doors and hurt. After some people get their fingers injured, they close their fists and decide it is better to live what feels like a safe life, instead of being vulnerable and risk being wounded again.

However, they lose the ability to open doors, to give hugs or presents, and the possibility of holding hands or touching others. As I look back on this idea, I realize that if I want to help others, I must keep my hand open and even stretch them out to others. Then, I can feel that connection that may make us “whole-hearted.”

Brown sums it up by saying, “Vulnerability-the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of the outcome-is the only path to more love, belonging, and joy.” Her book is all about opening up and finding the courage to keep growing and build up a resilience to withstand heartache and still be able to grow with love.

I am just finishing the book and will write more about my discoveries soon. Pick up a copy of Rising Strong, if you get a chance, and let me know what you think.

The Upside of Stress

We have all heard how detrimental stress is to our physical and mental health. It seems the thing to do is avoid stress, but that is an impossible task. Well, here is some good news from Dr. Kelly McGonigal. She says that we can transform stress into something good in our lives.

As you might expect, this is not easy. But in her book, The Upside of Stress, Why Stress is Good for You and How to Get Good at It, she gives compelling research as well as some simple tools to understand how stress can be a positive force in our lives.

First of all, she says that finding value in stressful experiences helps. When we see that our struggles have a purpose and can make us grow stronger and potentially more resilient, the toxic effects of stress are transformed into constructive growth.

McGonigal gives us the following exercise to help us and our children/students turn stress into something good in our lives:

"Bring to mind a stressful experience from your past in which you persevered or learned something important. Take a few moments to think about what that experience taught you about your strengths and how to cope with stress. Then, set a timer to fifteen minutes and write about your experience, addressing any or all of the following questions:

• What did you do that helped you get through it? What personal resources did you draw on, and what strengths did you use? Did you seek out information, advice, or any other kind of support?
• What did this experience teach you about how to deal with adversity?
• How did this experience make you stronger?

Now think about a current situation you are struggling through.

•  Which of these strengths and resources can you draw on in this situation?
• Are there any coping skills or strengths you want to develop? If so, how could you begin to do so using this situation as an opportunity to grow?”

After McGonigal gave this intervention to some students, they shared stories of family hardships, academic struggles, strained friendships, and racial discrimination. Even though the individual stories were different, everyone had experienced failure, frustration, and setbacks. Quickly, they found they had all experienced stress. Thus, they could all help each other deal with these challenges in a positive manner. One student said that he found a commonality in all their stories of success, that when they all reached out for help, it enabled them to overcome obstacles and achieve success. This was a breakthrough for many students.

An interesting follow-up is that one student sent McGonigal a note a few months after this exercise, saying she had just started college and it was harder than she thought it would be, but she was persevering because she had learned from McGonigal's exercise that it was alright to reach out for help.

Here are some truly astonishing results from McGonigal’s research:

• Stress increases risks of health problems, except when people regularly give back to their community.
• Stress increases the risk of dying, except when people feel a sense of purpose.
• Stress increases the risk of depression, except when people see the benefit in their challenges.
• Stress can be paralyzing, except when people perceive themselves as capable.

McGonigal finally states, “For every harmful outcome you can think of, there’s an exception that erases the expected association between stress and something bad - and often replaces it with an unexpected benefit.”

Grateful New Year

Happy New Year to everyone. 2016 will be a fantastic year, we will make it a year full of GRATITUDE!

Start 2016 with a fun new gratitude activities by accessing this website:

http://365grateful.com

I have had trouble getting my son and wife excited about writing a gratitude list or writing a gratitude letter. But on this website, they offer many novel ideas to practice gratitude. One new idea my son likes is taking photos of things we are grateful for and posting them for 30 days. Another fun idea they give is putting paper on the dinner table and having everyone in the family draw things they are grateful for.

Gratitude is still vibrant all around us, even in winter. Here is a photo of the “Gratitude Chain” started by the middle-school students at our school. All the other classrooms created the links of gratitude that list something each student is grateful for. The chain is a physical manifestation of how gratitude is linking everyone in our school together.

Recently, I found an encouraging video, showing a teacher in Sacramento, CA, spreading gratitude from her students to the community. Check out this 4 minute inspiring and entertaining video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxFRx-87-Qo

Also, check out this new web site that has gratitude videos and instructions for implementing gratitude in our life at:


http://gratituderevealed.com/portfolio/mastering-gratitude/

Last, check out this link to this exciting project:
“The Year of Happy is a year-long experiment for people around the world starting on January 4.
Positive psychology, the science of happiness, is learning new things every day about how to bring more positive emotions and meaning to our lives. But the trick is sorting through the mess of sensational media headlines and dry academic papers and applying those lessons – can we do it?
In this course, each month of 2016 will focus on one skill or activity proven to make us happier, like optimism, relationships, meaning, and goals. As we practice new life habits, we’ll also be learning through readings, videos, and discussions.”

http://positivepsychlopedia.com/year-of-happy/

4 Rules for Being Happy in ANY Situation

The following blog was written by David Zulberg, I like it because it is simple yet powerful.

"The culture we live in promotes the belief that pleasure is synonymous with happiness. If you have pleasure, you’re happy. If you don’t, you aren’t.

But most of the Classical ancient philosophers would disagree. Of late, modern day psychology and science are taking a renewed interest in the ancient perspectives on happiness.

First century philosopher, Epictetus, for example, believed happiness began and ended in the mind. By this logic, perception is the key to consistent happiness. Albert Ellis, developer of rational emotive behavior therapy, took this theory further, explaining that how people react to events is determined largely by their view of the events, not the events themselves. Aristotle, on the other hand, believed that happiness was an action and not a feeling, achieved through a life of virtue and balance.

It’s hard to say that any one of the definitions of happiness is exclusively or definitively right.
So, these are the rules I’ve identified by studying differing philosophies of happiness. These overarching principles can be applied to our lives to maximize our chances of achieving and experiencing true happiness — however we define it.

1. Embrace and embody the moment.

Live in the present. Stop thinking about what happened or what will happen. Enjoy the moments of pleasure, physical and emotional, before they disappear.

2. Accept that happiness is a lifelong journey which requires effort.

If you approach life from a place of entitlement, every setback will come with disappointment and bitterness. If, instead, you see happiness as something to be grateful for, always, you’ll be much better equipped to calmly ride out the storms when they come.

3. Adjust your perceptions.

Although circumstances influence us, the adage “mind over matter” is more sound than you might realize. Your attitude and perceptions about what happens in your life has far more of an impact on your happiness than the circumstances themselves.

4. Identify your belief system and stick to it.

Read philosophy and psychology to help you create a cohesive worldview. You have to have a road map for how you think life should be lived to live that way. And you have to live up to your own expectations if you want a shot at being happy. Like Aristotle said, true happiness is not just a matter of “feeling.” It’s an activity.

We may not be able to control the cards we’re dealt, but we can control the way we play them. Happiness is a journey of inner personal growth and perspective. You may not always feel happy in a certain moment, but if you continue to work on your attitude and personal character, getting back to that state of being is only a matter of time."

Here are a couple quotes to end the blog plus a link to this article:

"People are disturbed, not by things (that happen to them), but by the principles and opinions which they form concerning (those) things. When we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles and opinions." - Epictetus

"Forget yesterday - it has already forgotten you. Don't sweat tomorrow - you haven't even met. Instead, open you eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift - today."

--Steve Maraboli

Here is the link, you find other interesting articles at:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-22476/4-rules-for-being-happy-in-any-situation.html

Gratitude Improves Heart Failure and Everything Else

As we prepare for Thanksgiving tomorrow, I wanted to remind to give a little reminder that gratitude is good for us psychologically and physically, improving our heart and our spirit. Start a gratitude journal today and continue it couple times a week or write someone you will see on Thanksgiving a gratitude letter. Then, read it to them and feel the benefits of practicing gratitude in our lives.
            First, let’s look at how gratitude activities improve our spirit. The psychological benefits of gratitude include:

·       Lowering the risk of depression

·       Reducing negative emotions like envy, regret, and resentment

·       Overcoming trauma and improving mental resilience, even during hard times

·       Lowering aggression and increasing empathy

·       Improving self-esteem  

Moreover, developing an attitude of gratitude not only makes us happier and more psychologically “fit”, it can improve our health. Various studies have found positive benefits of gratitude for our physical health, including:

·       Reducing stress hormones like cortisol by up to 23%

·       Improving duration and quality of sleep by keeping a gratitude journal

·       Increasing white blood cells that help fight disease

·       Making healthier choices, like avoiding smoking

Gratitude benefits are not limited to the area of positive psychology. New research is a variety of disciplines is extremely encouraging. Another area where we see the positive impact of practicing gratitude is in the study of cardiac medicine.

One recent study, presented at University of California, San Diego, Institute for Public Health's Annual Public Health Research Day in April 2015, focused on the benefits of applying gratitude to the field of behavioral cardiology. This field of cardiac medicine used to be focused on negative traits, like hostility, depression and stress. But now, this field has turned to more positive psychology attributes, like gratitude, compassion and empathy.

Remarkably, in this study, beginning a “gratitude journal” was shown as an effective resource for improving the struggles associated with the symptoms of heart failure. In a cross-sectional study on over 180 heart failure patients, the patients who practiced this gratitude activity in their lives exhibited less depression, better sleep and even a positive physical benefit, less peripheral inflammation.

Furthermore, this study included a randomized clinical trial where patients were assigned to either eight weeks of gratitude journaling plus their usual care or eight weeks of usual care alone. Participants who kept the gratitude journal had increased heart rate variability, which is a measure of reduced cardiac risk.

In addition, these patients showed reduced circulating levels of inflammatory biomarkers IL-6 and sTNFr1, which is associated with cardiovascular disease. The physical benefit of keeping a gratitude journal furthers our understanding of the far-reaching positive impact of applying gratitude activities in our lives.

How to be Authentically Grateful at Thanksgiving

As we approach Thanksgiving, I am thinking about integrating gratitude into our holiday and I was finding it challenging, until I found this article today. Check it out, it gives great suggestions for bringing authentic gratitude into the Thanksgiving holiday.

The Trouble with Thanksgiving Gratitude

By Kira M. Newman

Feeling forced to say “thanks” at Thanksgiving dinner? Here are four exercises to help get the gratefulness going.

“What are you grateful for?”

For the shy adult or the grumpy teen, expressing gratitude around the Thanksgiving table can seem awkward and trite. Yet it’s basically compulsory—saying “nothing” or “I don’t know” when it’s our turn to speak won’t endear us to our family members. We end up saying the same thing we do every year, everyone smiles, and then it’s Aunt Edna’s turn.

According to research, though, feeling socially pressured to perform a certain happiness practice means it’s less fitting for us. Psychologists Sonja Lyubomirsky and Ken Sheldon suggest that the best happiness practices are ones we choose, not ones we feel forced into based on our circumstances. This can undermine “self-determined motivation,” the healthy drive that springs from our authentic interests and values.

“Even though I’ve advocated a number of evidence-based practices, I’m actually moving away from prescribing specific practices and exercises because it can lead to what I am calling ‘to-do list’ gratitude or ‘check-list’ gratitude,” says pioneering gratitude researcher Robert Emmons. “Practicing gratitude becomes a burden rather than a blessing, making life heavier rather than lighter.”

What’s more, Thanksgiving declarations of gratitude tend to be brief—along the lines of “I’m grateful for my family and my health.” But broad statements of gratitude might not be as effective as detailed ones, research suggests.

An unpublished University of Southern California study cited in Emmons’s book, Gratitude Works!, found that writing one sentence about five things we’re grateful for is less beneficial than writing five sentences about one thing we’re grateful for. After ten weeks of gratitude journaling, the group who wrote in more detail about one thing each time felt less tired, sad, and lethargic and more alert, happy, excited, and elated than the less-detailed group.

Even those of us with the best intentions may struggle. As an introvert, I always feel put on the spot during my family’s Thanksgiving gratitude ritual, even though cultivating gratitude is important to me. And many of us may yearn to feel deep gratitude but can’t conjure it up on command.

This is not to say that we should jettison our Thanksgiving gratitude rituals. In fact, experts believe that it’s the repeated practice of gratitude—even when we don’t feel grateful—that will eventually lead to a more enduring attitude of gratitude.

“If you go through grateful motions, the emotion of gratitude should be triggered,” writes Emmons in “10 Ways to Become More Grateful.”

So what would a no-pressure Thanksgiving look like, one that tries to encourage everyone—even the inarticulate, the shy, the grumpy, and the alienated—to safely express their thanks? What “grateful motions” might feel less forced and more genuine? Here are some suggestions.

1. Give people a chance to think before they thank

Have a family member lead everyone in a short gratitude meditation before the Thanksgiving meal, like this one from Jack Kornfield’s book, The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace.

“Gratitude is a gracious acknowledgment of all that sustains us, a bow to our blessings, great and small, an appreciation of the moments of good fortune that sustain our life every day,” writes Kornfield. His meditation asks you to think of the environment and the people who make your life possible:

 With gratitude I remember the people, animals, plants, insects, creatures of the sky and sea, air and water, fire and earth, all whose joyful exertion blesses my life every day. With gratitude I remember the care and labor of a thousand generations of elders and ancestors who came before me.

For some people, the quiet contemplation of gratefulness might make for a solid first step—and help them to think of something concrete to say in front of family and friends!

2. Ask guests to imagine themselves alone at the table

There is an exercise called “Mental Subtraction of Relationships” that asks you to think about what your life might have been like had you never met someone special. As part of the pre-dinner meditation, you might ask guests to imagine themselves without anyone to spend Thanksgiving with. Here’s how to do it, adapted from Greater Good in Action, which provides “science-tested practices for a meaningful life”:

    1. Take a moment to think about one person at the table.

    2. Think back to where and how you met this person. If he or she is a family member, try to recall your first memories.

    3. Think about all of the possible events and decisions—large and small—that could have prevented you from meeting this person, or kept him or her from your life.

    4. Imagine what your life would be like now if events had unfolded differently and you had never met this person, or if they had left your life at some earlier point. Bring to mind some of the joys and benefits you have enjoyed as a result of this relationship—and consider how you would feel if you were denied all of them.

    5. Shift your focus to remind yourself that you did actually meet this person and reflect upon the benefits this relationship has brought you. Now that you have considered how things might have turned out differently, appreciate that these benefits were not inevitable in your life. Allow yourself to feel grateful that things happened as they did and this person is now in your life.

After imagining a solitary Thanksgiving, opening your eyes to a table full of smiling faces can inspire gratitude.

3. Write letters to each other

In advance of dinner, ask your Thanksgiving guests to write short gratitude letters to read at the table. A gratitude letter expresses appreciation for someone—a relative, friend, teacher, or colleague—who made an impact on your life but hasn’t been properly thanked. The letter can detail what they did, why you feel thankful, and how your life is different today:

    1. Write as though you are addressing this person directly (“Dear ______”)

    2. Don’t worry about perfect grammar or spelling.

    3. Describe in specific terms what this person did, why you are grateful to this person, and how this person’s behavior affected your life. Try to be as concrete as possible.

    4. Describe what you are doing in your life now and how you often remember his or her efforts.

    5. Try to keep your letter to roughly one page (~300 words).

Research shows that reading gratitude letters produces a big happiness boost. The feelings of warmth and connection may be strong enough to outweigh any lingering shyness, and expressing gratitude for a person, rather than health or food, may feel more natural.

4. After dinner, take a walk—then give thanks over dessert

My family has always had a ritual of walking after dinner—but before the apple pie. Not only does the walk aid digestion, but it can reveal vibrant fall foliage, elegant architecture, and friendly faces. All of these things are potential sources of ongoing gratitude—and might help prime guests to give concrete thanks.

To truly appreciate what you see on your walk, take a moment to pause over each new and beautiful sight. Point it out to your family members, so they too can join in the mindful appreciation. Try to think about why each sight is pleasurable to you; perhaps the piles of golden leaves remind you of time spent playing as a kid. This technique is called a “Savoring Walk.”

If we’re inspired to keep up these gratitude practices, our view of gratitude may change—from a Thanksgiving chore to a meaningful way of thinking year-round. Then, “What are you grateful for?” will no longer be such a tricky question to answer.

Source: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_trouble_with_thanksgiving_gratitude?utm_source=GGSC+Newsletter+%232-+November++2015&utm_campaign=GG+Newsletter+%232++-+November+2015&utm_medium=email

One more thing: check out this web site: http://positivepsychlopedia.com/year-of-happy/.

This web site is setting up a year-long course in the science of happiness, given by the author of this article, Kira M. Newman.

How to Raise a Wild Child: The Art and Science of Falling in Love with Nature

“The major problems in the world are the result of the difference between how nature works and the way people think.” – Gregory Bateson

Recently, I read an inspiring book called How to Raise a Wild Child: The Art and Science of Falling in Love with Nature, by Dr. Scott Sampson, a Dinosaur Paleontologist who appears on the PBS Kids show Dinosaur Train. In the book, Sampson gives ideas about “re-wilding” our youth, encouraging “parents, educators, and others to become nature mentors for the children in their lives.” He cites compelling research and also gives detailed plans as well as helpful steps to get kids and adolescents back into nature.

Personally, I have been thinking about the issue for a long time because I have a 7 year old and I teach 4^th grade. I also feel fortunate to have grown up in a family that explored the outdoors. We would go camping up and down the state of California. My older brothers would take us backpacking on journeys that transformed my life. Eventually, one of my brothers became a forest ranger and still inspires us all to get into nature.

Here are 10 suggestions from Dr. Simpson to help us all encourage our youth to learn from nature and enjoy the outdoors. Most of these apply to parents, but Sampson tells teachers to start "re-wilding" students by initiating a service-learning project that could include: planting a garden, putting in bird boxes, or starting a recycling program. These projects could be embedded into science units. At our school, we got a $250 grant from Home Depot to start a garden. The students loved it. A number of grants are available to start gardens or other projects. Look for information at: 
http://www.thegranthelpers.com/municipal-grants/community-garden-grants

One last resource for teachers is a fantastic website:
https://www.nwf.org/pdf/Be%20Out%20There/Back%20to%20School%20full%20report.pdf
where the National Wildlife Foundation published an extensive report on "How Outdoor Education and Outdoor School Time Create High Performance Students."

1. Make New Habits

Take some time to discover the varieties of wild or semi-wild nature close to your home and explore these places with your children. Most young children will have no problem engaging with their natural surroundings. Their curious minds are built to do just that. Older children who've established a bias toward electronic screens may take a little more coaxing; this is where grown-ups need to exercise some imagination, and even foster a trickster mentality. Rather than telling children that they need to go out because it's good for them, think about encouraging them to play games like tag and kick the can. The key here is to establish nature as the fun and preferred option for playtime.

2. Open Senses and Expand Awareness

Play with Deer Ears and Owl Eyes. Deer have amazing hearing, thanks in part to their very large ears, which capture the faintest of sounds. Try having children (or adults) cup their hands behind their ears and listen. Ask them to figure out the most distant sound they can hear, and the total number of different sounds they can identify. Similarly, owls have amazing eyesight. Invite kids to soften their vision so that they can see as much as possible in multiple directions. What is the most distant thing they can see? On subsequent visits outdoors, pause once in a while to remind kids to use their Deer Ears and Owl Eyes.

3. Free Play Rules!

Carve out some regular time for the children in your life to engage in unstructured play, with a portion of it outdoors. Unstructured here means free play without adult guidance or supervision. Encourage kids to create their own imaginative games and activities, preferably using readily available natural elements--loose parts like water, sticks, dirt, and rocks.

4. Start Sit Spotting

Find a place in a natural (or semi-natural) setting where you can sit and observe. Pick a place that's close--for example, in the backyard, courtyard, or neighborhood park--so that it's easy to get to. Visit your sit spot regularly, preferably daily or at least several times a week, and sit quietly there, observing with all your senses. Vary the time of day, enjoying morning, noon, and night, to see how your sit spot changes. Eventually, you will know this little corner of the universe better than anyone else. You'll quickly find that this activity changes the way you and the youngsters in your life experience where you live.

5. Become a Hummingbird Parent

Instead of helicopter parenting, work on developing your flight skills as a hummingbird parent. This means giving kids space and autonomy to take risks, staying on the periphery sipping nectar most of the time and zooming in only when necessary.

6. Questioning

After kids spend time outdoors, ask them what happened. What did they see, hear, and feel? What was their story of the day? Make sure the bulk of your questions are easy to answer, particularly at the start, so as to build confidence. Once in a while, drop in a mystery--something you may not have the answer to that's just beyond the kids' edges. Then return to that mystery once in a while to see if they've made any progress on it. In addition to the lessons learned, asking questions shows that you value both nature and the children's experience.

7. Venture into the Bubble

An essential ingredient of nature connection is learning to see animals, plants, and other life forms as subjects rather than objects. One method is the "soap bubble technique," invented by German biologist Jakob von Uexküll. Head outside and picture every plant and animal surrounded by a soap bubble that represents its own individual sensory world. Now imagine being able to step inside the bubble of your choice--say, of a robin, earthworm, butterfly, or pine tree.

Encourage kids to find their favorite animal, enter the imaginary bubble, and experience this alternate world. You might ask questions like, "Do slugs see?" and "Why do you think that bird is singing?" Ideally, these questions will lead into mysteries that inspire more curiosity. Of course, the soap bubble technique is aided by some knowledge of the sensory world of the creature in question, but such understanding isn't necessary. It's the imagination that counts most.

8. Nature Connection is a Contact Sport

Too often these days, children's encounters with nature are dominated by a look-but-don't-touch directive. Nature connection depends on firsthand, multisensory encounters. It's a messy, dirty business--picking leaves and flowers, turning over rocks, holding wriggling worms, splashing in ponds. Rather than telling kids "no" all the time when they want to climb a tree, throw a rock, or step into a muddy pond, take a deep breath and offer words of encouragement. Don't worry so much about the dirt and scrapes. Clothes and bodies can be washed, cuts heal.

9. Snap Some Nature PhotosScreens are a major part of our lives. So think about ways to use digital technologies to leverage nature connection. For example, encourage kids to take a camera outside and take photos of five natural things that interest them--flowers, bugs, rocks, whatever. Then invite them to open their senses and spend at least five minutes closely observing their surroundings, including tiny things like ants and giant things like clouds. Afterward, feel free to encourage electronic sharing of any products, an easy avenue to blend the digital and natural worlds.

10. Discover Your Own Nature Passion

If you haven't found a nature activity that you're passionate about, think about it. Yes, most of us are extremely busy and find it difficult to carve out time for anything new. But the reality is that most young kids these days aren't going to get out into nature unless we take them there. So try to find an activity--whether it's close to home, like gardening, or far away, like fly-fishing or snowshoeing--that you can engage in with the children in your life.

“Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.” – Gary Snyder

The Prize: Who's in Charge of America's Schools?

Yesterday, this article was published on Huffington Post at:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/owen-griffith/newark-facebook-school-system_b_8370688.html

Here is a copy of the article, for those who don't want to go on Huffington Post's website.

The Prize: Who's in Charge of America's Schools?

by Owen M. Griffith


In 2010, Mark Zuckerberg, from Facebook, Chris Christie, then Governor of New Jersey and Corey Booker, who was the Mayor of Newark at that time, joined forces in an attempt to transform the failing Newark school system with the help of $100 million grant from Zuckerberg and his wife. At that time, fewer than 40 percent of third through eight graders in the Newark public schools were reading or doing math at grade level and almost half the students did not graduate high school. The system was obviously broken and needed to be drastically changed.

In a compelling new book, The Prize: Who's in Charge of America's Schools, Dale Russakoff chronicles this ambitious and audacious plan, with its big failures and smaller victories.

The trio of Zuckerberg, Christie, and Booker came in to try to flip this school system, predicting that within five years, they would have a national model for turning around any big urban school system that needed help. Russakoff wrote, "Their stated goal was not to repair education in Newark but to develop a model for saving it in all of urban America."

The Prize,’ by Dale Russakoff - The New York Times Russakoff, a longtime Washington Post reporter, had the good sense to recognize the potential power and import of this story early on, and so embedded ... Read more...

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Well, it has been five years and the results are in, the dramatic transformation did not take place, but some more modest improvements were made, primarily in the charter school sector of Newark.

Things did not start off smoothly. The first big mistake was the way this project was announced. The teachers, students, and citizens of Newark heard about this project on the Oprah Winfrey Show, when the rest of the country first heard about the $100 million dollar donations. Newark residents thought they should have been notified about the proposal and also been included in formulating the plan.

After he announced his $100 million donation to the cause, Zuckerberg said, "We are setting up a $100 million challenge grant so that Mayor Booker and Gov. Christie can have the flexibility that they need to implement new programs and turn Newark into a symbol of educational excellence for the whole nation." Thus, with the matching grant, they doubled their money. But more money did not ensure success.

Another problematic area was in the renegotiation of teacher contracts. Zuckerberg wanted to be able to reward teachers who were doing a good job and get rid of the teachers who were not. Like some business leaders, he wanted to apply his "business" model to education. However, efficiency, taken as the "business" model, does not always address the complexities of educational reform.

One of his big areas of concern was trying to get "bad" teachers out. Unfortunately, Zuckerberg was not aware that teacher's jobs were often protected by seniority laws in the state of New Jersey and the teacher's union was one of the most powerful lobbies in the legislature. When they went to reform the law, they were able to implement some of their new ideas, but that main issue, getting rid of "bad" teacher, could not be changed at all.

Furthermore, out of the $100 million, a large portion of that was supposed to go directly to a substantial increase to teacher's salary. However, $20 million dollars went straight to high paid consultants, who were getting as much as $1,000 per day. One educator named these consultants, the "school failure industry." Contrast the consultant's pay with the Newark teachers, who eventually received a paltry $3,000 stipend added to their salaries that translated to about $10 per hour.

On the other hand, the biggest success in this entire project was expanding charter schools in Newark who are performing at higher rates of achievement than the Newark city schools. Enrollment in charter schools, like the KIPP Academy, went from 20% to 40% by 2015. Russakoff reports that one reason for charter school's success is that they get more money to the students. The public schools get about $10,000 of the $19,000 allocation to each student, whereas the charter schools get an average of $13,000-14,000 of the $19,000 to each student. This enables charter schools to give students more academic support and also to assist families with additional resources.

NPR Fresh Air “One of the most audacious exercises in education reform” – is how journalist Dale Russakoff describes the plan to fix the schools in Newark, New Jersey, a city ... Read more...

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In a compelling interview, Russakoff said the discrepancy with allocation of money going to students is due to waste in the Newark schools system that charter schools are able to avoid. Appropriately, Russakoff likened this to the difference between FedEx and the US Postal Service.

Yet even with this modest success, there was a price to pay. With so many Newark students going to charter schools, enrollment went down for the other public schools and thus, the available funds also plummeted.

And what has happened to Mark Zuckerberg's educational philanthropy? Did this sour his resolve to help schools? No, it appears he has learned a lesson and Zuckerberg currently works with local school in San Francisco Bay area. Now, he is including and working collaboratively with the educational communities in these improvement projects.

With this collaboration, in high-poverty school in the Bay area, Zuckerberg is expanding the reach of his money, creating a "web of support for students," allocating some funds for mental health and medical support, realizing that school reform needs to take a broader approach, attempting to improve the entire lives of these families. It will be interesting to see the results of this new collaboration.

Eight Keys to Forgiveness

Here is a powerful and compelling article from Greater Good Science Center. Check out more articles and resources at:

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/

Forgiveness can be incredibly difficult. Robert Enright explains where to start.
When another person hurts us, it can upend our lives.

This essay has been adapted from 8 Keys to Forgiveness (W. W. Norton & Company, 2015)

Sometimes the hurt is very deep, such as when a spouse or a parent betrays our trust, or when we are victims of crime, or when we’ve been harshly bullied. Anyone who has suffered a grievous hurt knows that when our inner world is badly disrupted, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything other than our turmoil or pain. When we hold on to hurt, we are emotionally and cognitively hobbled, and our relationships suffer.
Forgiveness is strong medicine for this. When life hits us hard, there is nothing as effective as forgiveness for healing deep wounds. I would not have spent the last 30 years of my life studying forgiveness if I were not convinced of this.
Many people have misconceptions about what forgiveness really means—and they may eschew it. Others may want to forgive, but wonder whether or not they truly can. Forgiveness does not necessarily come easily; but it is possible for many of us to achieve, if we have the right tools and are willing to put in the effort.
Below is an outline of the basic steps involved in following a path of forgiveness, adapted from my new book, 8 Keys to Forgiveness. As you read through these steps, think about how you might adapt them to your own life.

1. Know what forgiveness is and why it matters

Forgiveness is about goodness, about extending mercy to those who’ve harmed us, even if they don’t “deserve” it. It is not about finding excuses for the offending person’s behavior or pretending it didn’t happen. Nor is there a quick formula you can follow. Forgiveness is a process with many steps that often proceeds in a non-linear fashion.
But it’s well worth the effort. Working on forgiveness can help us increase our self-esteem and give us a sense of inner strength and safety. It can reverse the lies that we often tell ourselves when someone has hurt us deeply—lies like, I am defeated or I’m not worthy. Forgiveness can heal us and allow us to move on in life with meaning and purpose. Forgiveness matters, and we will be its primary beneficiary.
Studies have shown that forgiving others produces strong psychological benefits for the one who forgives. It has been shown to decrease depression, anxiety, unhealthy anger, and the symptoms of PTSD. But we don’t just forgive to help ourselves. Forgiveness can lead to psychological healing, yes; but, in its essence, it is not something about you or done for you. It is something you extend toward another person, because you recognize, over time, that it is the best response to the situation.

2. Become “forgivingly fit”

Read and watch Fred Luskin explain "What is Forgiveness?"

Read three evolutionary truths about forgiveness and revenge.

Discover how to overcome barriers to forgiveness.

How forgiving are you? Take our quiz!

Try this forgiveness practice, based on Enright's work.

To practice forgiveness, it helps if you have worked on positively changing your inner world by learning to be what I call “forgivingly fit.” Just as you would start slowly with a new physical exercise routine, it helps if you build up your forgiving heart muscles slowly, incorporating regular “workouts” into your everyday life.
You can start becoming more fit by making a commitment to do no harm—in other words, making a conscious effort not to talk disparagingly about those who’ve hurt you. You don’t have to say good things; but, if you refrain from talking negatively, it will feed the more forgiving side of your mind and heart.
You can also make a practice of recognizing that every person is unique, special, and irreplaceable. You may come to this through religious beliefs or a humanist philosophy or even through your belief in evolution. It’s important to cultivate this mindset of valuing our common humanity, so that it becomes harder to discount someone who has harmed you as unworthy.
You can show love in small ways in everyday encounters—like smiling at a harried grocery cashier or taking time to listen to a child. Giving love when it’s unnecessary helps to build the love muscle, making it easier to show compassion toward everyone. If you practice small acts of forgiveness and mercy—extending care when someone harms you—in everyday life, this too will help. Perhaps you can refrain from honking when someone cuts you off in traffic, or hold your tongue when your spouse snaps at you and extend a hug instead.
Sometimes pride and power can weaken your efforts to forgive by making you feel entitled and inflated, so that you hang onto your resentment as a noble cause. Try to catch yourself when you are acting from that place, and choose forgiveness or mercy, instead. If you need inspiration, it can help to seek out stories of mercy in the world by going to the International Forgiveness Institute website: www.internationalforgiveness.com.

3. Address your inner pain

It’s important to figure out who has hurt you and how. This may seem obvious; but not every action that causes you suffering is unjust. For example, you don’t need to forgive your child or your spouse for being imperfect, even if their imperfections are inconvenient for you.
To become clearer, you can look carefully at the people in your life—your parents, siblings, peers, spouse, coworkers, children, and even yourself—and rate how much they have hurt you. Perhaps they have exercised power over you or withheld love; or maybe they have physically harmed you. These hurts have contributed to your inner pain and need to be acknowledged. Doing this will give you an idea of who needs forgiveness in your life and provide a place to start.
There are many forms of emotional pain; but the common forms are anxiety, depression, unhealthy anger, lack of trust, self-loathing or low self-esteem, an overall negative worldview, and a lack of confidence in one’s ability to change. All of these harms can be addressed by forgiveness; so it’s important to identify the kind of pain you are suffering from and to acknowledge it. The more hurt you have incurred, the more important it is to forgive, at least for the purpose of experiencing emotional healing.
You may be able to do this accounting on your own, or you may need the help of a therapist. However you approach looking at your pain be sure you do it in an environment that feels safe and supportive.

4. Develop a forgiving mind through empathy

Scientists have studied what happens in the brain when we think about forgiving and have discovered that, when people successfully imagine forgiving someone (in a hypothetical situation), they show increased activity in the neural circuits responsible for empathy. This tells us that empathy is connected to forgiveness and is an important step in the process.
If you examine some of the details in the life of the person who harmed you, you can often see more clearly what wounds he carries and start to develop empathy for him. First, try to imagine him as an innocent child, needing love and support. Did he get that from the parents? Research has shown that if an infant does not receive attention and love from primary caregivers, then he will have a weak attachment, which can damage trust. It may prevent him from ever getting close to others and set a trajectory of loneliness and conflict for the rest of his life.
You may be able to put an entire narrative together for the person who hurt you—from early child through adulthood—or just imagine it from what you know. You may be able to see her physical frailties and psychological suffering, and begin to understand the common humanity that you share. You may recognize her as a vulnerable person who was wounded and wounded you in return. Despite what she may have done to hurt you, you realize that she did not deserve to suffer, either.
Recognizing that we all carry wounds in our hearts can help open the door to forgiveness.

5. Find meaning in your suffering

When we suffer a great deal, it is important that we find meaning in what we have endured. Without seeing meaning, a person can lose a sense of purpose, which can lead to hopelessness and a despairing conclusion that there is no meaning to life itself. That doesn’t mean we look for suffering in order to grow or try to find goodness in another’s bad actions. Instead, we try to see how our suffering has changed us in a positive way.
Even as one suffers, it’s possible to develop short-term and sometimes long-range goals in life. Some people begin to think about how they can use their suffering to cope, because they’ve become more resilient or brave. They may also realize that their suffering has altered their perspective regarding what is important in life, changing their long-range goals for themselves.
To find meaning is not to diminish your pain or to say, I’ll just make the best of it or All things happen for a reason. You must always take care to address the woundedness in yourself and to recognize the injustice of the experience, or forgiveness will be shallow.
Still, there are many ways to find meaning in our suffering. Some may choose to focus more on the beauty of the world or decide to give service to others in need. Some may find meaning by speaking their truth or by strengthening their inner resolve. If I were to give one answer, it would be that we should use our suffering to become more loving and to pass that love onto others. Finding meaning, in and of itself, is helpful for finding direction in forgiveness.

6. When forgiveness is hard, call upon other strengths

Forgiveness is always hard when we are dealing with deep injustices from others. I have known people who refuse to use the word forgiveness because it just makes them so angry. That’s OK—we all have our own timelines for when we can be merciful. But if you want to forgive and are finding it hard, it might help to call upon other resources.
First remember that if you are struggling with forgiveness, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure at forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process that takes time, patience, and determination. Try not to be harsh on yourself, but be gentle and foster a sense of quiet within, an inner acceptance of yourself. Try to respond to yourself as you would to someone whom you love deeply.
Surround yourself with good and wise people who support you and who have the patience to allow you time to heal in your own way. Also, practice humility—not in the sense of putting yourself down, but in realizing that we are all capable of imperfection and suffering.
Try to develop courage and patience in yourself to help you in the journey. Also, if you practice bearing small slights against you without lashing out, you give a gift to everyone—not only to the other person, but to everyone whom that person may harm in the future because of your anger. You can help end the cycle of inflicting pain on others.
If you are still finding it hard to forgive, you can choose to practice with someone who is easier to forgive—maybe someone who hurt you in a small way, rather than deeply. Alternatively, it can be better to focus on forgiving the person who is at the root of your pain—maybe a parent who was abusive, or a spouse who betrayed you. If this initial hurt impacts other parts of your life and other relationships, it may be necessary to start there.

7. Forgive yourself

Most of us tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others and we struggle to love ourselves. If you are not feeling lovable because of actions you’ve taken, you may need to work on self-forgiveness and offer to yourself what you offer to others who have hurt you: a sense of inherent worth, despite your actions.
In self-forgiveness, you honor yourself as a person, even if you are imperfect. If you’ve broken your personal standards in a serious way, there is a danger of sliding into self-loathing. When this happens, you may not take good care of yourself—you might overeat or oversleep or start smoking or engage in other forms of “self-punishment.” You need to recognize this and move toward self-compassion. Soften your heart toward yourself.
After you have been able to self-forgive, you will also need to engage in seeking forgiveness from others whom you’ve harmed and right the wrongs as best as you can. It’s important to be prepared for the possibility that the other person may not be ready to forgive you and to practice patience and humility. But, a sincere apology, free of conditions and expectations, will go a long way toward your receiving forgiveness in the end.

8. Develop a forgiving heart

When we overcome suffering, we gain a more mature understanding of what it means to be humble, courageous, and loving in the world. We may be moved to create an atmosphere of forgiveness in our homes and workplaces, to help others who’ve been harmed overcome their suffering, or to protect our communities from a cycle of hatred and violence. All of these choices can lighten the heart and bring joy to one’s life.

Some people may believe that love for another who’s harmed you is not possible. But, I’ve found that many people who forgive eventually find a way to open their hearts. If you shed bitterness and put love in its place, and then repeat this with many, many other people, you become freed to love more widely and deeply. This kind of transformation can create a legacy of love that will live on long after you’re gone.