Being a Dad and a Teacher-The Spiritual Lessons

As Father’s Day approaches, I have been reflecting on being a teacher and being a dad.  These two aspects of my life complement each other nicely.  I was a teacher for 5 years before I was a Dad and I learned many valuable lessons from my years in the classroom.  One lesson was how to be patient and keep my cool even when I feel like exploding.  This is easier said than done and I don’t always do it well, but I get a chance to practice this over and over and hopefully improve my response.  If I am in a good spiritual place, it is much easier.  One thing I started doing that helps me is to take a breath in the stressful moments as a teacher and a dad and try to respond with love.  When I do lose my patience, I try to apologize quickly to my students or son and use it as a teachable moment for us all.

Before becoming a Dad, I always looked forward to coming home after a long day in the classroom, opening up the front door and seeing my son run into my arms saying, “Daddy!!!”  I still love when this happens and it happens often.  It nourished my soul and sweeps away the dust from the day.

As a dad, my son is one of my greatest spiritual teachers.  He teaches me how to love, to truly love unconditionally, how to be in the moment, how to be full of wonder, how to be generous and how to play.  Sadly, some of these lessons have been forgotten as I have moved along in life.  


As a dad, my son is continually teaching me, but I have to be fully present and listening to get these lessons.  Last night, I was on this computer responding to an email when my son needed my attention.  I said, “I need to finish this for work,” when I should have stopped and been there for him.  The email could have waited, but my son cannot.  Finally, my son can make anything fun, even what appears to be the most mundane task.  That, in itself, is a lesson that attitude really is everything.

Our children and our students allow us to enter into their magical worlds, full of love, wonder, play, laughter and innocence.  If I am present and watch and listen closely, I can also see the world through my son’s eyes.  Here is a little story that exemplifies this idea.  When my son was 3 years old, we would go the park every morning in the summer.  When he saw a girl, no matter what age the girl's age was, he would say, “Hey pretty girl.”  Now, I am not sure where this came from, but everyone thought it was cute and he always got a smile when he said it.  Here is where this story takes on another dimension.  One day, we stop at the store on the way home from the park and my son sees a little girl in a wheelchair.  He strides up to her and says, “Hey pretty girl” and the girl beams a smile at him that lights up the store.  At that moment I realize that he doesn't see the wheelchair like I did, he just sees a beautiful girl.  I want to see the world like he does and see everyone as the beautiful people they are.  I know sometimes I have to look deeply, but if I take the time, it is there. 




Also on Father's day, I look to my father.  I am so grateful for my father.  He was an engineer who helped develop space missions and engineered my love of learning.  As a child, I was always encouraged to ask the big questions like, "Why is the sky blue?"  A couple years ago, I was at the store and heard a child ask her dad, “Why is that banana yellow?”  The dad said, “Don’t ask stupid questions.”  I watched the child shrink physically and felt her spirit crushed.  I hope her dad was just having a bad day and he cultivated her curiosity.  Maybe some teachers restored her thirst for knowledge. 

 As a child, my family would go to the library weekly and pack picnics to a museum on the weekends.  Today, my father celebrates his 86th birthday and when we talk, we still discuss the newest science discoveries.  I am a life-long learner and educator because of my father (and my mother also).  Now, it is my turn to pass that love of learning on to my son and my students.  What a joy!!  I have the privilege of passing on ideas that may spark something that will give shape and meaning to the rest of their lives.  

Here are a couple quotes I found about being a father:

“A father acts on behalf of his children by working, providing, intervening, struggling, and suffering for them. In so doing, he really stands in their place. He is not an isolated individual, but incorporates the selves of several people in his own self.”- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Being a parent is all joy and no fun.” - Anonymous

Finally, I found this on a coffee mug at my parent’s house and I enjoyed it so much I wrote it down.

BEING A DAD
Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be rough.  On top of being a provider, protector, and playmate, it is a father's job to be strong, but gentle, decisive, but fair, a friend, but still the boss.  It is also a father's responsibility to see his children learn to use their abilities to the fullest, but the most important thing any father can do for his children is love their mother.

 In the old days, fathers just paid the bills and doled out punishments.  Just wait until your father comes home.  Now they give out discipline and love. Seeing a child do some serious mischief, Plato went and reprimanded the father.  Then, as now, the ideal father enforced his rules by the credit of his life.  
  
 To love one's sons and daughters, to carry in one's bones and blood a pride in them, a longing for their growth and development is not enough.  Effective fathering today dictates that you tag along on their adventures and outings.  But that should be no problem as hidden inside every father is a child who want to play.  Dads are sometimes a combination of Superman and Santa Claus, even if most of the time the most important thing he does is take out the trash.  No matter what size a Dad is, every father is imposing.

 It is an unusual child who unreservedly approves of its Father.  By the time you realize the old man was usually right, you have children of your own who think you're usually wrong.   But every generation revolts against its father and makes friends with its grandfathers, who were once dads but now teach children fun things like fishing and how to whistle.
 
 Fathers help children grow up, but it is still dads that give them roots and wings and giant steps to follow.  Also, a dad reminds you that and enthusiast smile lasts a lifetime.  A great dad will find something to praise in a child, even if he has to stretch it a little.  A dad is for being there and they usually are, to care and to listen.  Being a dad is one of the best things you can be, so thanks to all the dads.  Enjoy your children today.

 -Barbara Smallwood and Glenn Tayler