Gratitude Ideas for Your Classroom, Your Family and You

As the new school year gets rolling, I am looking for new ways to teach and learn about gratitude.  One idea that I will implement this year is the idea of writing a “Gratitude Letter.”  In his research, Dr. Martin Seligman found that people who wrote a “Gratitude Letter” and delivered it experienced more joy, hopefulness and less depression for over a month.  He says the letter should be to someone who helped us, but we were never able to express our thanks to them.  Try to deliver the letter in person and experience the gift of giving gratitude.

Another idea from a student is to do a quick gratitude list at a red light.  This student figured out that his mom would always hit at least one red light in the way to school and the way home, so this would be a perfect opportunity to do a gratitude list with whoever was in the car.  I love that idea and I try to remember to do that at the red lights in my life.

The following article has creative gratitude ideas and is from a powerful web site, http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/

“Help students cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  Research shows that it’s really good for both them and their teachers!

Among other benefits, gratitude helps kids feel better about school and makes educators feel less emotionally exhausted.

Need some ideas on how to bring gratitude into the classroom? Here are some easy-to-implement activities, many of which can be adapted to fit any grade level.

·         Classroom Gratitude Book. Create a gratitude book to send home with a different child each week. Ask each student’s family to add a page of pictures and descriptions of what they’re grateful for. At the end of the year, be sure to celebrate your completed classroom gratitude book!

·         Gratitude Photos. Have each student write what he or she is thankful for on a large piece of paper and then take a picture of the child holding up his or her paper. Frame the photo and send it home as a holiday gift.

·         Gratitude Collage or Bulletin Board. Have children cut out pictures of things they’re grateful for and then use the pictures to create their own collage or to decorate a classroom gratitude bulletin board.

·         Gratitude Paper Chain. Have children write what they’re thankful for on strips of paper and use the strips to make a gratitude chain to hang up in the classroom.

·         Gratitude Pairs. Hold a “Special Friends Day” one or two days before Thanksgiving. Ask each student to invite a special person to class for a 45-minute period, such as a grandparent, nanny, neighbor, parent from another classroom, or family friend. Have each pair write and/or draw something they’re thankful for and post it on a bulletin board. Note: Scheduling this activity close to the holiday increases the likelihood of out-of-towners being able to attend.

·         Gratitude Spies. Play the “Spying for Gratitude” game. At the beginning of the day, have each child choose the name of another student out of a hat without revealing the name. Each student spends the day “spying” on his or her chosen person and then shares one thing that he or she is grateful for about that person during an end-of-the-day circle.

·         Gratitude Quilt. Give each child a 5”x5” blank piece of paper on which to draw something he or she is thankful for. Mount each square on a 6”x6” colored piece of paper and then piece the squares together to create a classroom gratitude quilt.

·         Gratitude Graph. Have each child write one thing that he or she is grateful for on a sticky note and then plot it on a classroom gratitude graph. Categories might include people, things, places, actions, animals, etc.

·         Gratitude Circle. Begin or end the day sitting in a circle with each person sharing one thing that he or she is grateful for and why. Note: Younger students will need a lot of modeling to explain why they’re grateful for something.

·         Gratitude Surprise Sticky Notes. Give each student one or more sticky notes to write something they’re grateful for about another person in the school community. Then have the students “deliver” the sticky notes by placing them where the person will see it, e.g., a locker, a phone, a cleaning cart.

·         Gratitude Letters for the Community. Write letters of gratitude and deliver them to people in the greater school community, e.g., janitor, food staff, school administration. Expand this exercise to include the local community, such as police, fire station, bank, grocery store, hospital, electricians, etc.

·         Gratitude Quotes. Give students their own gratitude quote and have them reflect upon and write about what their quote means to them.

·         Gratitude Discussions. Use gratitude researchers Jeffrey Froh and Giacomo Bono’s gratitude curriculum to deepen students’ understanding of gratitude. Have students think of something they’re grateful for and then re-frame it as a gift. Then ask students to 1) notice that someone saw they had a need and acted upon it; 2) appreciate the cost incurred by the person extending the gift; and 3) recognize the personal value of the gift they received.

·         Gratitude Research and Action. Share and discuss with your students the research that shows the tremendous benefits of practicing gratitude. Ask students to come up with ways they might incorporate more gratitude into their lives. After hearing about the research on gratitude from their teacher, one group of 8th graders from a high-needs school took it upon themselves to form “The Breakfast Club”—a secret club dedicated to performing kind acts for the school staff. After several months of clandestinely delivering Starbucks coffees (donated by Starbucks), pizzas, and other fun treats, the Breakfast Club members revealed their identities at a school assembly—and were hailed with loud roars and cheers!”

After reading this article, I am going to have the students make a gratitude book this year.  That is something anyone could do with their family.  So, try a new activity with your class, your family, by yourself or with friends and experience the power of gratitude.

Quotes to end the blog:

The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live.  ~Mortimer Adler

 “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” –Margaret Mead

Spirituality of Storytelling-Part 2

In my last blog, I wrote about the power of stories to teach and communicate profound life lessons.  Stories often express the “Language of the heart.”  Here are a couple more stories to piggy-back on my blog from last week.  Feel free to share any of your stories with us, in the comment section or email them to me, if you want to stay more private.

Story #2-The Deluxe Electric Nose Hair Trimmer

Here is a humorous story I tell my students that happened to me in my first year of teaching.  When I was teaching simple machines, I was putting together a PowerPoint and wanted to spice it up to grab the 7^th grader’s attention.  On one slide, I showed how simple machines may be put together to make a complex machine.  When contemplating what complex machines to show, I thought an Army tank would be a good example.  But, for another example, I remembered seeing a “Deluxe Electric Nose-Hair Trimmer” in a store and thought it was funny, maybe a little crude, but they would appreciate the joke.  Sure enough, when I ran that slide and gave those two examples, I got everyone’s attention.  It was a few weeks before Christmas, so I added, “Make sure you put an electric nose-hair trimmer on your Christmas list.”  The students all remembered complex machines from my example.

Then, the day before Christmas break, one of my quiet students, a student who really hadn’t said a word to me all year, walks into my class with his mom.  She is holding a big gift bag and says, “Mr. Griffith, thank you so much for teaching my son.  You are his favorite teacher and he is learning so much about science from you.”  I took the gift and thanked her and her son.  When I got home, I went into the house to open it.  My wife was home and helped me unwrap the gift.  In the box was a deluxe electric nose-hair trimmer.  I was surprised and laughed at the gift.  I told my wife, “He listened to me and got the joke.”  My wife said, “Or maybe you should take the hint.”  Regardless, it was hilarious and the student opened up after that in my class.  This comical incident enabled him to become a vital part of the class and helped me remember the power of not taking myself so seriously.

Story #3-The Magic Touchstone

Once upon a time, when the ancient library in Alexandria was burned to the ground, one of the men cleaning up the debris found a book that was charred but still mostly intact called, “The Magic Touchstone.”  In this book, a map was drawn showing the way to get the beach in Greece where the “magic touchstone” was located.  On a beach with millions of stones that all looked identical, one stone held the magical power that would enable the person who held it to have all their dreams come true.  The only way to distinguish the “magic touchstone” was to hold it in your hand because the magic touchstone would become warm when held.

So, the man sold everything he had and traveled to the beach.  When he arrived, he saw millions of the stones and he crafted a plan.  He would start at the very end of the beach and pick the stones one by one, hold it in his hand and if it did not get warm, he would know it wasn't the “magic touchstone” and he would throw it into the ocean.  He started and made slow progress.  Day by day, month by month and year by year, he worked his way down the beach, picking up stones and then throwing them in the ocean when they didn't warm up.  He barely ate or slept as the years passed.  Then, after 40 years and after throwing millions of stones in the ocean, one day, he reached past his long grey beard and picked up a stone, placed it in his hand and it actually did get warm. 

At this point in the story I stop and I ask the students, “What did he do with the stone?”  Usually, a student gets it, he threw the stone into the ocean because he had been doing that for 40 years and it was ingrained into him. 

We talk about this story, how we can get into the same kind of rut.  Any day could be the day when the magic touchstone is put into our hands in so many ways and unless we are present and aware of what we are doing, we will throw it away.

So, those are a couple stories.  I have a list of them and I add to them every year.  As my life progresses, these stories help it become more deep and rich.  I will share more stories later.

Here are a few quotes to end the blog:

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.  ~Chinese Proverb


All the world is a laboratory to the inquiring mind.  ~Martin H. Fischer

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives.  ~Clay P. Bedford

The Spirituality of Storytelling

Storytelling is an integral aspect of teaching and life.  We tell stories to communicate, to impart wisdom, to entertain, to amuse and to make sense out of our human experience.  We need it as much as we need food or love.

Recently, I heard E. O. Wilson, the great naturalist and writer, talking about how storytelling is one of the most human things we can participate in.  I agree.  He said that it feels like we are hard wired to tell stories, both personal and epoch, to share our human condition: the love, the humor, the sadness and the deep lessons that stories convey in a way that nothing else can.  Stories truly connect us and the lessons they impart stay with us well beyond the story.

Every Friday, as a reward to my students, I tell students stories from my personal life and stories I have heard.  The students are riveted and ask for more.  We discuss the meanings of these stories and how they apply to our lives.  A few parents have related that the students have gone home and related these stories word for word.  The best stories transmit wonder, something that we can always use more of in the classroom and life.

 Here is one of my favorite stories to tell the students.  If you like it, share it and feel free to change and adapt it to make them more meaningful.

Story #1-The House Builder

Once there was a house builder named Joe who had built houses for over 40 years.  He was ready to retire, but his boss told him he wanted him to build one more house.  Joe didn’t want to build the house, but told his boss that he would do it, if he could retire immediately upon completion of the house.  The boss agreed.

Joe worked quickly and sloppily with his crew, not laying enough cement for the foundation, only putting on one coat of paint, and cutting corners wherever he could to get the job done quickly.  He didn’t feel good about the shoddy job, but he just wanted to get it done.  He knew the house would look OK for a couple years, but then, all the poor workmanship would show, after he was gone.

He did finish ahead of schedule and his boss asked him to meet him at the work site the next day.  That next day, Joe approached his boss with shame, feeling that his boss had figured out what was going on.  Surprisingly, Joe’s boss had an enormous smile on his face.  He asked Joe to hold out his hand.  He pulled out a key, placed it in Joe’s hand and said, “Joe, I appreciate all the hard work you have done for me over the past 40 years, so I wanted you to build one more house so I can give to you.  Here is your house that you get to live in Joe.  Enjoy it.”

Many students see this story as an example of building their education and the importance of not cheating or taking shortcuts.  

I will end with a quote from Fred Rogers, the creator and star of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood on PBS.  He carried around a quote in his wallet from a social worker that said, “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t learn to love once you have heard their story.”  We all have a story, we just need to take the time to listen and learn to love a little more.

I will share a couple other favorite stories next week.

Serenity Prayer for Teachers

As we start the school year, I wanted to give teachers a special adaptation of the Serenity Prayer.  As you have read in a previous blog post, I love the Serenity Prayer.  Every day, I say it and attempt to apply it in my life.  I found this prayer on a coffee mug a student gave me.  Parents may find this prayer useful also.

Serenity Prayer for Teachers

God, grant me the serenity to accept

Each child and appreciate their unique talents,

Courage to teach with patience and love, and

Wisdom to know that through it all,

You will be by my side.

My quote today is inspirational for everyone:

Do More

Do more than exist, Live

Do more than touch, Feel

Do more than look, Observe

Do more than read, Absorb

Do more than hear, Listen

Do more than listen, Understand

Do more than think, Ponder

Do more than talk, Say Something.

- John H. Rhoades

How to Change Your Classroom and Yourself with Gratitude-updated

I am posting my article that was published in June in Teacher’s Gazette so anyone who didn't get a chance to view it may now read it.  Also, here are a couple great stories of applying the principles of gratitude in our daily lives.  My sister said she got in her car after a long day and instead of automatically turning on the radio, she started to do a gratitude list, saying it aloud.  She said it made her feel much better than listening to the radio.  I am trying this and really feeling re-energized, when I do it.  Also, another friend now does an alphabetical gratitude list when driving, especially when stopped at red lights, trying to find a gratitude for every letter of the alphabet.  I have done this one and it is fun and a little mentally challenging.

How to Change Your Classroom and Yourself with Gratitude

By:  Owen M. Griffith

Would you like to improve the culture in your classroom and your life?   Try gratitude. Based on my nine years of teaching experience, this is the most powerful tool that I know.  

Gratitude has empowered me to teach more effectively, appreciate my individual students, grow in my profession, and enjoy life.  I am able to model one of the most important lessons in life, having a positive attitude, especially about the aspects of life that challenge me.  In fact, last year I was voted teacher of the year at my school, a direct result of practicing gratitude in my life and in my classroom.

The average adult has over 50,000 separate thought on a daily basis, according to estimates.  In itself, that is amazing.  But, more interesting, these may be the same thoughts as yesterday and tomorrow. Thus, many trudge through life thinking similar thoughts every day.  Now, if you feel satisfied, this is acceptable.  However, if you want to change your life and your classroom, you need to make room for some change.  Gratitude can help change some of those thoughts and lead to changing your life and in turn, the lives of your students.  

I recommend actually writing a list instead of just being aware of gratitude.  Gratitude seems to work like a muscle, and the physical action of writing a gratitude list helps develop “gratitude muscles.”  However, keeping a gratitude journal on your iphone as an app or your computer is also powerful.  In a recent study by Professor Phillip Watkins from Eastern Washington University, published recently in School Psychology review, those who are the least grateful seem to gain the most from making this effort.  This should be good news for people whose “gratitude muscles” feel weak.  As teachers and as parents, we know that we can only teach behavior that we practice.  As the saying goes, “Virtues are caught, not taught.”  As we grow stronger with an attitude of gratitude, it will be easier to share this virtue with our students.

As a 4th grade school teacher, my students and I start a gratitude journal the first day of the school year, listing 5 gratitudes every day.  By the end of the year, we each have 1,000 gratitudes.  We try to think of five new items to be grateful for every day, like feeling the abundance of love, or being healthy, or being thankful for friends, both old and new friends.  One girl said, “Thank you for all the bad stuff that happens to me.” 

We can be grateful for things that seem to be bad at the time, seeing the lessons we lean and new opportunities that come from them.  These are lessons in courage, wisdom, persistence and fortitude.  

I can really challenge the students by asking if they can be thankful for homework or chores. This challenge enables the students to see what is good about homework, that it helps them learn and prepares them for school.  In addition, I suggest that they be specific. For example, instead of writing “Thank you for lunch.” I can write, “Thank you for the tomatoes and lettuce in my salad and for the cool, sweet iced tea with friends,” or “Thank you for the nutritious lunch made by loving hands.”

To introduce the importance of gratitude, I ask the students, “Are there things in life that we do not control?”  Creative students come up with answers beyond the weather and the behavior of others.  We stop the list after twenty-five items.  Then I ask, “What do we not have control over?”  This is a little harder for some, but eventually they all get it – they only thing we can control is ourselves.  More specifically, we control our actions, our attitude and our awareness.  This exercise in gratitude will help us with all three areas.  When I am grateful for everything given to me in life, I will have a good attitude and my actions will be more positive.  When I focus on the positive, my awareness of the positive grows also.  

You might start your gratitude journal with being thankful for being alive, for having food to eat and clothes to wear.  Then think of what you get to do today and include that on your list.  The important word in the last sentence is “get.”  When I am grateful, I “get” to do things instead of having to do them.  I used to hate waiting in line.  In our fast-paced, technological society, with everything at our fingertips, many of us are impatient, as I was, with even a one minute wait.  But now, I “get” to wait in line and take that time to make a quick gratitude list.   

Recent research supports the idea that gratitude improves our lives and the lives of students.  Keeping a gratitude journal on a daily basis helps students achieve the following:

·         higher grades

·         higher goals

·         more satisfaction with relationships, life and school

·         less materialism

·         more willing to give back.

For adults, keeping a gratitude journal enables people to:

·         be more optimistic

·         experience more social satisfaction

·         exercise more often

·         have less envy and depression

·         have fewer physical complaints

·         sleep better.

I see these positive changes in my students.  One student saved her allowance and brought gratitude journals for her family. Her mom was in nursing school and very stressed. At the dinner table, they would share their gratitudes for the day and grow as a family.  The mom came to me and thanked me for teaching gratitude to her daughter and helping her family.  She said it helped her get through nursing school.

I challenge you to try it yourself and see how it works. My friends who have written a daily gratitude journal for at least two weeks speak positively of the experience.  Gratitude has transformed many lives.  It is true that our focus can stimulate growth.  If I focus on the good and I am grateful, more comes into my life.  Conversely, if I complain and focus on the negative, more of that is drawn into my life.  In my life, the fruit of the focus on gratitude is happiness.  As Dale Carnegie has said, “Success is getting what you want.  Happiness is wanting what you get.”

If you are interested in other resources to explore gratitude, please visit the following website: www.gratfulness.org 

Abraham Lincoln's Letter to his Son’s Teacher

As I prepare for my son to go to his first day of Kindergarten on Monday, I was reflecting on my son’s education.  His education began long ago with my words and lessons, but more importantly, by my actions and example.  Now, his education takes on a new life with formally beginning school.  I don’t know if being a teacher gives me insight or will make me be harder on my son’s teacher.  But, I do want to be supportive and work as a team to enable my son to be successful in school and life. 

I went back to a letter from Abraham Lincoln to his son’s teacher to get some guidance and found it in abundance.  It holds simple spiritual wisdom for us all to live by:

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S LETTER TO HIS SON'S TEACHER...

 “My son starts school today. It is all going to be strange and new to him for a while and I wish you would treat him gently. It is an adventure that might take him across continents. All adventures will probably include wars, tragedy and sorrow. To live this life will require faith, love and courage. 

So dear Teacher, will you please take him by his hand and teach him things he will have to know, teaching him - but gently, if you can. Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. He will have to know that all men are not just, that all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero, that for every crooked politician, there is a dedicated leader. 

Teach him if you can that 10 cents earned is of far more value than a dollar found. In school, teacher, it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to learn how to gracefully lose, and enjoy winning when he does win. 

Teach him to be gentle with people, tough with tough people. Steer him away from envy if you can and teach him the secret of quiet laughter. Teach him if you can - how to laugh when he is sad, teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him there can be glory in failure and despair in success. Teach him to scoff at cynics. 

Teach him if you can the wonders of books, but also give time to ponder the extreme mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hill. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tell him they are wrong. 

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is doing it. Teach him to listen to everyone, but teach him also to filters all that he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through. 

Teach him to sell his talents and brains to the highest bidder but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul. Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patient to be brave. Teach him to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind, in God. 

This is the order, teacher but see what best you can do. He is such a nice little boy and he is my son."

So, I will give this to my son's teacher on Monday.  Actually, as a teacher, I know the first day of school can be like a tornado, so I will email it to the teacher and enjoy watching my son's journey begin.

Here is a quote to end the blog:

Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.” – Plato

Forgiveness-The Other F-Word

In my last blog, I gave 12 Tips for Happiness.  One of the tips about forgiveness has stuck with me, so I wanted to drill a little deeper into forgiveness with this blog.  By the way, I love writing this blog.  The last two and a half months of writing has been a prolific and productive time for my writing and exploring spirituality and teaching.  This has allowed me to really articulate some spiritual ideas and teaching practices in a new way, yielding new understanding for me. Thank you for all the positive feedback.

“Life is an exercise in forgiveness.”  I agree with this and I do get better at forgiving as I grow, most of the time.  However, when I don’t forgive, I do feel anger and resentment cropping up that steals my serenity and happiness.  When I am harboring a resentment, my friend poses this question, “Will you forgive this person in 5 or 10 years?”  When I think about it, I always say, “Yes, I think I can.”  My friend will then say something like, “Then why don’t you do it now and save all that time.”  Well, I need to explore why I don’t forgive, how to forgive and the immense benefits and freedom when I do practice this spiritual principle.  Utilizing the spiritual tool of forgiveness is something we all can learn, but it is a process and may take time and practice. 

Here are a few quotes from the last blog that I want to interject again, “Holding on to resentments is like letting other people rent free space in your head.”

“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

“Resentments are like stray cats, if you don’t feed them, they go away.”  I told my wife that and she said, “But I like stray cats.”  My wife’s comment made me think of that statement in a different light.  My wife is good at that.  She made me realize that sometimes I like my resentments.  Like a stray cat, I feed them and pet them and love them, but I get nothing back but a monster cat that is eating me from the inside. 

Reasons for not forgiving:
We don’t forgive mainly because of the 3 Ps: Power, Protection and Punishment.  Here are the illusions that go along with the 3 P's:  

I have some power over you if I do not forgive you. I am protecting myself by not forgiving you.  I am punishing you by not forgiving you. If I forgive, then you will hurt me again.  I can’t let them get away with this. They will just do it to someone else.  Holding onto my resentment will change them. (It is OK to put up healthy boundaries and let someone know there behavior is unacceptable, and then it is up to them to change.   I can still be free.  My favorite 4 spiritual words come into play here, "Bless them, change me.")

In addition, it is hard to forgive when I feel they don't deserve forgiveness. Some people feel like they can't just pretend it didn't happen or that forgiveness may feel like a sign of weakness. Last reason for not forgiving: how can I forgive when revenge sounds better?

Now I need to ask, “Why do I hold onto resentments and even feed them?”  Well, I nurse resentments because it makes me feel a little superior.  It fuels my pride and distracts me from all the “my stuff” that I should really be dealing with. 

Next, “What is the payoff?”  For every behavior, there is some kind of payoff, negative or positive.  Well, the payoff here is that when I focus on some resentment, it is easy to say that my life would be OK if that person just hadn't done that to me yesterday or 20 years ago.  I don’t have to take responsibility for my life.

Like so many other areas of spirituality, we can’t do anything until we bring the light of awareness to the situation.  One awareness question is, “If I think about a person and the resentment more than 2 times a day, it is a resentment.”  If so, I need to work on it.

Here is another question to spark awareness, “If you had fifteen minutes to live, who would you call?”  Check if that call is to straighten out a resentment.  If so, again, you have some work to do.  The good news is an exercise follows that will allow you to start the process of healing today, right now.

When we do not forgive:
The person who suffers is the one that does not forgive.  Resentment turns us all into victims. Furthermore, resentment produces the “fight or flight” response in the body and produces destructive stress hormones.  Research has confirmed that angry and resentful people do not live as long and their shorter lives are not surprisingly unhappier.

At this point, I would like to point out some things that forgiveness does not mean.  Forgiveness does not mean that what the person did is acceptable.  Nor does not it mean we should ignore our feelings. It does not mean we need to “reconcile” with the person, although that is sometimes part of it.  Finally, forgiveness does not require the other person to still be alive.  We can forgive someone who has passed away.

Reasons for Forgiving:

We forgive not because they deserve it, but because we want to be free.  If we forgive, we are free from the negative consequences physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We are free to live, laugh and love fully again.

How to forgive?

A friend gave me this forgiveness exercise from The Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book.  This was written by a woman who had a resentment against her mother for over 25 years.  She found this exercise in a magazine and tried it.  She was finally free.

I have also tried it and it has always worked for me.  I have given this to friends and everyone who does it consistently has success with getting some or complete freedom from their anger and resentments.  Now, this does involve “prayer” but does not require any particular religious belief.  I have had non-religious friends who tried this and it works.

"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.
      

It worked for me then, and it has worked for me many times since, and it will work for me every time I am willing to work it. Sometimes I have to ask first for the willingness, but it too always comes. And because it works for me, it will work for all of us. As another great man says, ‘The only real freedom a human being can ever know is doing what you ought to do because you want to do it.’"

This does work if you are willing to try it, even when part of you wants to hold onto the anger and resentment so badly.  If you are skeptical, do it as an experiment and see if it works. 

A good friend of mine has a boss who is not easy to work for.  He told me that he knew he had to do something when his anger and resentment started getting in the way of enjoying his family at home.  I gave him this resentment exercise and he said that simply starting the process started to take some of the edge off the resentment.  But, there was part of him that wanted to hang onto the resentment, especially when the boss did something new to be angry with.  So, he kept saying it for a month and although the resentment didn't totally disappear, it was dramatically reduced.  When the boss did something new that he would have ruined his day, he would simply say this prayer and move on.  The big payoff here is when he gets home now; he is present and enjoys his family.  He is free from his boss.

So, make a mental or physical list of the resentments you are carrying right now.  Choose the biggest resentment and start the exercise.  See if it changes your feeling toward the person in two weeks and changes your life.

To prevent acquiring new resentments, the next time you feel anger or resentment, bring your awareness to the situation and see why you are angry or resentful.  It is OK to feel it, but then try to let it go.  See why part of you wants to hold on to it.  Talk to a friend who is also trying to grow spiritually.  Keep each other accountable and lift each other up.  Another teacher I worked with for many years was my “spiritual growth friend.”  We would meet weekly and review our spiritual condition, seeing where we were successful and where we needed to keep working.  We both grew tremendously through this effort.

Share any success stories with me or any questions.  You can find my email in my profile, but I will also put it here: griffitho@hotmail.com

Here is a quote to end the blog:

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life. - Joan Lunden

A Summer Spiritual Tune-Up - 12 Tips for a for a Happy and Meaningful Life

Well, we are midway through summer and here is your chance for a spiritual tune-up.  Personally, I try to spend a little time every day to incorporate some spiritual tools in my life to stay spiritually fit.  Some days it works better than others.   But, when I am in a good place spiritually, everything else in my life feels right.

A few years ago, a friend gave me a copy of something called 9 Timeless Secrets of Being Happy.  I enjoyed it and shared it with my students.  But after I went over it with my class, I realized that I should update it to include more spiritual tools.  So, I expanded it, edited it and rewrote it to be more encompassing, not just addressing happiness, but also encouraging us to develop serenity and a meaningful life.

Take a little time to go over the following tips.  I give this list to my students at the beginning of each year. They highlight 3 things to work on throughout the year.  Then, they post it on their agendas or in their lockers at school and on their refrigerators or mirrors at home where they see it daily.  This way, it is a gentle reminder to keep working to stay spiritually fit.

So, here are a dozen simple spiritual tools.  Like my students, please choose a few to focus on, print them out or put them on your computer or iPhone and work on them until they become a habit. Celebrate the little victories and the baby steps as you practice and enjoy the growth they bring to your life.  Real change is challenging and a slow process, so be patient with yourself.  Remember, a baby tries an estimated 2,000 times before it takes its first step.

1. Be a Giver/Help Others

In big and small ways, help others as much as possible.  Feel the profound joy of giving freely with no expectations.  It all comes back to you in countless ways.  People who volunteer or care for others consistently are happier and less depressed.

Altruistic giving has been shown to increase positive neurotransmitters in the giver, receiver and anyone observing the act of giving.  So, give to someone close to you and also practice those random acts of kindness.  A simple suggestion is to tell someone you love how much you love them and why you treasure them in your life.  Do someone a good turn today and don’t get found out. 

2. Savor the Moment/ Be in the Moment

All I have is this moment, but much of the time I waste by ruminating over the past or stressing over the future.  To live deeply in this moment and breath in the miracle of all that is available now is truly living.  But, I must be present and be here now. Cultivate mindfulness by giving attention to whatever you are doing.  When you feel your mind wandering, take a deep breath and gently bring it back to the moment.  If you are washing the dishes, be present washing the dishes and enjoy the warm water and the slick feel of soap.  More importantly, be present to those around you by really listening. 

3. Embrace Silence

Take time to sit quietly every day without electronic distractions in order to get a better perspective on life.  Even just a few moments of pure silence can refresh a stressed soul.  Personally, when I stopped the chatter of having the radio on constantly in the car and the TV on constantly at home, I was able to feel a deeper peace and enjoy life much more fully.   Try to set a timer for 1 minute, read something inspirational, a prayer or a poem, and then sit comfortably in silence for that 1 minute.  If you can do this daily for a week, increase the time to 2 minutes and so on, up to 10 minutes.  In the race to get through each day, slow down and notice the deep peace in silence.

4. Try New Experiences/ Don’t Be Afraid to Make Mistakes

Don’t let yourself get caught in a rut.  The only difference between a rut and a grave is how deep it is.  Stay out of survival mode.  Be spontaneous, adventurous and play every day.  My 5 year old gives me lessons in this daily.  Get out of your comfort zone and remember you always have a safety net.  Don’t listen to the lie that you don’t have enough time or energy.  New experiences create energy and allow us to find more time for everything.  In addition, I have found that perfectionism paralyzed me.  But, a wise boss once told me, “I know you are not trying new things because you aren't making any mistakes.”  Fearlessly try new things and learn from those mistakes. 

5. Forgive/ Let Go of the Past

Harboring resentment only hurts you.  I like the saying that resentments are like stray cats, if you don’t feed them, they go away.  Another great saying is that keeping resentments is like when I drink poison thinking it will kill you.  Don’t let others rent free space in your head.  Forgive and let go.  If you let go a little, you get a little relief.  If you let go a lot, you get a lot of relief, and if you let go completely, you are FREE.

6. Be Responsible for Yourself

Don’t blame others for things lacking in your life.  Don’t give them that power.  Take responsibility and take action.  We are not victims, we are volunteers.  I tell my students we control 3 things and they all start with the letter A: attitude, action and awareness.  Blaming others and harboring self-pity steals our energy and joy.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  This works in and outside the classroom.

7. Build Relationships

People who have one or more close relationships lead happier lives, according to a study by Dr. Martin Seligman.  Seligman goes on to say that it doesn't matter how many relationships you have, one is enough.  The important aspect of any relationship is that you are supportive, you cooperate and you share personal feelings.  These relationships can be with a friend or family member.  If you have even one person who cares about you, you are truly blessed.  If you don’t have anyone, build a new relationship by really listening to someone and being helpful to them. 

8.  Be Grateful

Cultivate an awareness of all the gifts given to us constantly.  If you are reading this, you are fortunate to have a computer, a connection to the internet and the ability to read.  Realize that a vast majority of the population of the planet would change places with you in an instant.  Start a gratitude list to increase your awareness of the gifts surrounding you.  You are what you focus on.  So, if you focus on what is missing, your life becomes empty.  Focus on all you have on the inside and outside and watch it all grow.  Take more action; write a gratitude letter to someone who has helped you.  Deliver it in person and let that person know how much they mean to you.

9. Work Through Fear

Fear holds us back from truly living our lives.  You can generally unmask your fear by asking two questions: 1. Are you afraid you are going to lose something you have?  2.  Are you afraid you won’t get something you want?  Once you are aware of the fear, then focus on some action you can take to help.  For example, if you are afraid you won’t have enough money, do some research or reach out to others for ideas about saving money or generating some income.  It is OK to feel the fear, but don’t allow it to paralyze you.  Walk through the fear and feel it dissipate.  Also, if you share a fear with someone you trust, it feels like you cut it in half. There is power in just getting it out of your head and letting it go.  Writing about it by keeping a journal can also help us keep perspective on fear.  Here are some acronyms that help us understand fear:

FEAR = Failure Expected And Received, False Evidence Appearing Real, False Expectations Appearing Real, Forget Everything And Run (Polite Version), Face Everything And Recover, Frantic Effort to Appear Real, and my favorites-Forgetting Everything’s All Right, and Fear Expressed Allows Relief.

10. Be Aware of Your Internal Dialogue

Listen to what you are saying to yourself.  So many of us have tape recordings going on in our heads we are not even aware of, like “You will never find someone to love you” or “You are not pretty enough” or “You can’t make anything work in your life.”  First, be aware of these negative messages, and then start to say the opposite to yourself, like “I am a beautiful child of God” or “ I will keep working on myself and love will become abundant in my life,” or “I will make a difference in someone else’s life today and improve myself.”  Start writing your own script for your future.

11. Quit Taking It Personally (acronym - Q-TIP)

Don’t let anything people steal your serenity.  Most things aren't personal and even when comments are made that are designed to hurt you, try to not take it personally.  If that person is really trying to hurt you, don’t allow them to succeed.  It is OK to create healthy boundaries, but don’t waste extra time and energy by trying to extract an apology or get revenge.  Remind yourself you don’t need anyone’s approval.  Learn to laugh at yourself and let it go.  Try to keep your ego small enough that no comments can hit the target.  If you can become more immune to what others say, then you will not be the victim of unnecessary suffering. 

                                              

12. Choose Kindness-Always

Be kind to yourself and others in all circumstances.  One of the hardest things to do in this world is to be kind when someone else is not kind to you.  Today, look for a situation in your life when you are presented with negativity and choose to give kindness.  It may be in your family, at work or even driving.  Don’t be afraid to look into the other person’s eyes, smile and respond in kindness.  Feel the true strength in authentic kindness.  See how this makes you feel and the power it has to transform a situation and improve your spiritual condition.

Here is a link to 9 Timeless Secrets of Being Happy by Brian Vaszily that inspired this blog post.  Check it out if you have time and don’t miss the beautiful PowerPoint that presents the ideas a little differently.

http://www.intenseexperiences.com/being-happy.html

Here are a couple quotes to end the blog:

Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.

– Audrey Hepburn

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

-Helen Keller