Serenity Prayer

Today, I want to write about the Serenity Prayer, a prayer that has helped me in life and in the classroom.  The Serenity Prayer takes spiritual principles, like serenity, acceptance, courage and wisdom, and gives us the tools to apply them to our daily lives.  These are practical tool that anyone can use, regardless of faith or lack of faith.  Interestingly, it is not connected with any religion.  In fact, I checked and it is most commonly connected to Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 Step Program.  It was written by Reinhold Niebuhr in the early 1900s.  When I was in my first years of teaching, I had a principal that started one of our first faculty meetings of the year with the Serenity Prayer.  She showed it on the smart board and read through it.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.” - Reinhold Niebuhr

After my principal introduced the prayer, she said, “This school year is going to get very stressful, so I hope you have a strong spiritual life.”  I really took that to heart.  This is a simple and short prayer, but is extremely powerful.  I did a little more research and found a longer version of the prayer that is at the bottom of this blog.   Back to the short version, in these three lines, spiritual principles are introduced.  With a little effort, we may apply them to a wide range of situations in our lives and find the spiritual solution to a variety of problems.  Here is a prayer that is practical, that will help us build a strong spiritual life by helping us ascertain what we need to accept, what we need to have the courage to change and finding the wisdom to know the difference.

When I found myself in challenging situations, I started to ask, “What can I change in this situation and what do I need to accept?”  That night, some friends and I went to a movie.  By the time we got there, the only seats left were the first three rows.  We sat down and I felt uncomfortable as I strained my neck to see the screen.  I was miserable until the friend next to me said, “Accept the things you can’t change.”  Quickly, I felt relieved.  I quit wishing to be sitting in a different seat.  Furthermore, I accepted that for this movie, although I did not have the seat I wanted, I would still enjoy it.  This was just a little victory, but it got the ball rolling. 

Usually, I find the application of the Serenity Prayer when I am dealing with other people in stressful situations.  Here is what I come back to every time, “I can’t change anyone else, but I can change my attitude, actions, and awareness.”  When I stop trying to change others, I free up energy to change myself and enjoy life. 

I have a friend who said that using the Serenity Prayer for his marriage improved his marriage, but his wife stayed exactly the same. This sounded funny at first, but then I got it and really appreciated this concept. Your marriage can get better, but your spouse doesn't have to change, you can change.  My friend went on to say that using this prayer enabled him to identify that he did not control his wife.  All that time and energy he spent trying to change her or waiting for her to change to make him happy was wasted.  He said he actually felt new “space” open in their relationship as he accepted her with all her wonderful qualities and imperfections.  This allowed them to connect in new ways and develop a deeper relationship with intimacy.  He said their relationship is far from perfect, but it feels like they are growing in a positive direction and that is all they need. 

In addition, my friend took my idea of the gratitude list and applied it to his marriage.   Every day, before he got out of bed, he would think of three things he loved about his wife.  What we focus on in life grows and what we focus on in others grows.  By focusing on the good in her, he watched these positive qualities grow.  He used the idea of gratitude and focusing on the good in others to elevate his relationship.  Recently, I saw a definition of love that said “Love is looking for the good in others.”  I like that.

I have another friend who is a waiter.  He used to get really frustrated with rude customers and customers who would not tip.  Then, one night, after we talked about the Serenity Prayer, he was getting really mad at one table where a rude customer was ruining his night until he remembered the prayer and asked the question, “What do I need to accept here that I can’t change and what do I need the courage to change?”  He realized that he could not change those customers, but he could change his attitude.  He took a deep breath, relaxed and didn't let that customer bother him anymore.  He actually went on to have a really good night.

After feeling the powerful effects this prayer had on my life and the many stressful situations with students and parents, I asked the principal if I could teach this prayer to my students.  She said she thought that was a great idea.  So, we memorized it and said it daily.  Then, we started sharing about the application of this prayer to our daily lives.  In my class, we know gratitude will make us happier, but how do we apply it, we make a gratitude list.  So, how can we apply the Serenity Prayer?  Well, on this day, it was raining and that directly affects us all.  When it rains the students need to stay inside for indoor recess.  Nobody likes staying inside, but one student said, “I have no control over the weather, but I can find something fun to do at indoor recess.”  I thought that was a great example of applying this prayer to our lives.  I should note that I work at a private school that makes doing this easier.

Now, as a teacher and parent, I do need to give love and boundaries and keep high standards for behavior.  I also think it is important that my son and students experience the consequences of their actions so they can learn to change their behavior and grow.  But, I also need to accept people as they are and keep applying these principles to keep from building up resentments.  Also, I know there are situations that we do not need to accept.  If someone is in a toxic or violent relationship, then action should be taken to get out of that situation.

So, take the spiritual challenge today and make the farthest journey of all, from your head to your heart, by applying the Serenity Prayer today.  Print out the short or long version of the Serenity Prayer.  Put it somewhere you will see it often, on the refrigerator or by your computer screen.  Make it a screen saver or put it on your iPhone because it is easy to forget in our busy lives.  Find a situation where you can ask yourself, “What do I need to accept here that I can’t control and what do I need the courage to change?”  Answer this question, take the appropriate action and feel the serenity that will flow into your life.  Here is the full prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking this world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that He will make all things right,

If I surrender my will to Him

That I may be reasonable happy in this life

And supremely happy in the next.”- Reinhold Niebuhr