Memo from our Children/Students

When I was visiting my Mom, she gave me an old Girl Scouts Calendar from the 1980s.  I looked over it quickly, not expecting to find anything, but came across the following powerful and useful memo from our children/students:

Memo from our Children/Students

“In this adult world of ours, we sometimes grow impatient over the struggles of our children to make themselves understood.  If we don’t take the time and every opportunity to listen to what a child really has on his or her mind, we can completely miss our calling as parents and teachers.  If our children could put their needs into words, these are some of the memos they might send us. 

PLEASE:

1.      Don’t protect me from my consequences.  I need to learn the painful way sometimes.

2.      Don’t be too upset when I say, ‘I hate you.”  It isn’t you I hate, it is your power to thwart me that I hate.

3.      Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it.  I’ll take more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

4.      Don’t put me off when I ask a question or I will stop asking them and seek answers elsewhere.

5.      Don’t take too much notice of my small ailments.  Sometimes they get me the attention I need.

6.      Don’t spoil me.  I know quite well that I should not have all that I ask for.  I’m only testing you.

7.      Don’t be afraid to be firm with me.  I prefer it.  It makes me feel more secure.

8.      Don’t let me form bad habits.  I have to rely on you to detect them in their early stages.

9.      Don’t make me feel smaller than I am.  It only makes me behave stupidly “big.”

10.  Don’t nag.  If you do, I will have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

11.  Don’t forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like.  This is why I am not always accurate.

12.  Don’t make rash promises.  Remember that I feel very let down when promises are broken.

13.  Don’t tax my honesty too much.  I am easily frightened into lying sometimes.

14.  Don’t be inconsistent.  That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.

15.  Don’t tell me my fears are silly.  They are extremely real and you can help reassure me if you try to listen and understand.

16.  Don’t ever suggest that you are perfect because it will disappoint me when I find you are not.

17.  Don’t think it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me.  An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm to you.

18.  Don’t forget how quickly I am growing up, so be present for me as much as possible. 

19.  Don’t forget I love experimenting.  I wouldn't grow without it, so please encourage it.

20.  Don’t forget that I will not thrive without lots of understanding love.  But I don’t need to tell you that, do I?”

I would update #18 and add-“Please put down the cell phone and get off the internet because you are missing so much of my life.”  Recently, at a local park with my son, I saw another boy had just conquered the climbing wall and was pleading to his Dad to watch him, but his Dad would not take his eyes off his cell phone.  The Dad said, “I see you.”  But the boy looked at him with great disappointment when the Dad could not take his eyes off his phone.

      Here is something else from the calendar that I enjoyed and wanted to share:

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

by Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.

If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.

If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.

If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.

If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.

With what is your child living?